New Year Resolutions

Hello and a Happy New Year! Have you all got your plans to change your life and be better human beings? Have you set your targets and goals for the year ahead?

Now I don't know about you, but I don't work like that, I don't sit down and plan things. I much prefer to see what comes up and seize opportunities I haven't even thought of yet.  On planet Sue an idea bubbles up from somewhere deep inside and my head eventually catches up with what the rest of me has already worked out.

Despite all the busy-ness and running about for Christmas and New Year, it's a great time for new ideas and new ways of looking at things. A week or so away from the desk enjoying the company of friends and family, walking, running, playing with the cats, cooking and wrapping presents is just what I need to get my sense of perspective back.

A few New Years ago we decided to lose weight. We were out for a long walk on the beach and an idea that had been hovering round for months and months became a decision - a commitment to change our lives. I got home and signed us up; 6 months later I was 4 stone lighter.  The next year, I registered for a half marathon. That came from a conversation with the Tesco Diets people earlier in the year about how I'd always admired people who ran marathons, but I'd never thought I could do it. A few months later, round about Christmas, I signed up for a half marathon and started training.  I did the half and at the end of 2011 I decided I was going to try and run that marathon.  I didn't make the starting line last year, but I learnt an awful lot of useful stuff about me and running: of course it's the journey that matters not the arriving.

All of these decisions have been life changing and enriched my life immeasurably, in ways I could never have anticipated. I've had experiences I'll never forget.

Once again, the end of the year has worked its magic and I have my goals. The first is to keep trying to run a marathon.  I've signed up for the  Lochaber Marathon in April, with the Meadows half en route. Last year was a learning year, so I go equipped with a much clearer understanding of my personal challenge and with the expert advice from my ace Physio Pam to help me get there. Fingers are crossed.

I've a non running resolution too. Holidays mean time to read and my Christmas Book this year was  A Street Cat Named Bob.  It's a very simple, very powerful story about how friendships change our lives, even when those lives have gone sadly awry.  James lived on the streets when he met Bob the street cat. Having another living being to care for and that cared for him gave James Bowen's life real meaning and filled the lonely spaces. It really isn't relevant that Bob is a cat, or that the relationship involves more than the usual number of legs.

So there I was, snuggled up in a warm bed with a good book, a cup of tea and the wind howling outside. A bubble began to emerge and I had a resolution -  to buy the Big Issue every week not just now and then. My first thought that it wasn't big enough, I needed something grander. But of course  the longest journey starts with the smallest step and as I let that idea grow, I realised it's about making connections.

When we're busy, it's so easy to lose sight of what really matters as we charge about trying to get through our over-long 'to-do' lists.  We tend to focus on the practical. When I was caring for Mum, I had to focus on keeping her physically safe. Now she's at the Abbey, others do that, and I can focus on Mum's quality of life, helping her stay connected to family and friends. The worst thing about Alzheimer's is that it disconnects Mum from the world in almost every way you can think of, and that's a sad and scary place to be. But between us all, her family, the Abbey, the Day Centre and Crossroads, Mum now has real friends, lots of connections and lots of people who care for her. She's blossoming, and as  Mum puts it, she's 'living not existing'. That's because she has relationships that are warm and caring; something we all need and we can all give.

So I have two plans for 2012 - to tackle that marathon and be a better human being. That should keep me busy!

On the running front, I've done 2 runs (15 miles total) and 4 gym sessions this week and one Pentland hill walk. I'm going to run three times a week, with spin, swim, cross train sessions to build stamina and lots and lots of stretching.  Wish me luck!

I hope you all had a fantastic Christmas and New Year and that all your hopes and wishes for 2013 come true.

Take care!

Suex

On the hoof.....

Well, the mystery is finally solved. Almost a year to the day since my calf went ping I have an explanation for what happened, and cleared up a few other running mysteries besides.

Quick recap: I''d stopped running after a worrying niggle in my shin and sore feet. Something wasnae right. My physio Pam referred me to Donna the podiatrist who said I needed a biomechanical assessment. So I went off to see Pam at the Abbey Hill Footcare Clinic.  Pam got out her rulers and measuring things and put me through my paces. I love to see good diagnostic skills at work and Pam's are truly awesome. I was fascinated as she tested out different hypotheses about what was going on and held onto every word as a picture began to take shape - Sherlock Holmes had better watch out.

The punchline is I have  'forefoot equinnus' in both my feet and I've had it my entire life.  Those of you of a classical or scientific bent will immediately discern that I am a horse.  Well not quite, but  like a horse, my hoof is naturally in a toe-down position with my heel off the ground. It's something to do with having deformed metatarsals and it can't be corrected or aligned, it has to be accommodated. So when I run I take a lot of pressure on the fore foot which the foot can't absorb properly because it's an odd shape.  Having equinnus foot basically means I am permanently running up hill. Here's a drawing.

As one writer says 'it is like having a built-in doorstop pushing you backwards and jamming your knee backwards.' Equinnus can cause calf strain and achilles, hip and piriformis problems as the body adapts.  You would shudder to know at the amount of treatment I've had over many years to sort out hip and lower back pain - and it was probably all related to my feet.

I now know that this is why I prefer to walk round the house on tip toes - (I'm a toe walker apparently, it sounds quite exotic doesn't it?). I thought it was because we lived in houses with noisy floors and I was embarrassed to thump about. Now I know why hills are such a struggle, why I trip up and why I can't stand up for long periods - those youthful demos were hell. 

The great news is that it doesn't stop me running, I just have to learn to work with my horses feet and adapt accordingly.  

 Pam advised me to go back to cushioned (neutral) running shoes to reduce the impact that my odd foot shape has to absorb. No more barefoot running, no more minimalist shoes. No more cute little pumps with no foot support and back to shoes with a small heel.  I have to make sure that I have the laces done the right way to take the pressure off the arch (ignoring helpful sales assistants with great ideas).  I just need to factor in the hoof shape and reduce the impact on my feet as much as possible.

So I'm back on the Brooks and my most cushioned hilly socks with as much compression as I can decently get away with in public. I'm building up the runs gradually and so far so good, everything is calming down. Ten good miles so far this week and feeling fine, and secretly enjoying the lashing wind and rain. The sea has been amazing if somewhat destructive.

Equinnus foot is not rare, so if you have a very high instep and a history of unexplained injuries, it might be worth checking it out. I found Physio Blogger's website helpful. 

I can't believe I've got so far through my life without knowing this. What's interesting is  that it's the Chi Running that helped me solve the mystery.  Along with the minimalist shoes, Chi running meant that I ran naturally and so the right bits hurt.  Because I was paying attention, I got things sorted without causing too much damage on the way.  

So I'm back running on the beach and loving it. Looking forward to some good running in between the celebrations - if I can drag myself away from the boys! Here they are giving me a bit of help with the ironing

I hope you're all setting up for a lovely festive season full of all the things that make you and yours happy.  Take care and have a great time!

Suex

Pussy Riots!

Well folks, meet the next generation. The new kittens have arrived and they've already taken over the kitchen and our lives. And this is just day 2!

Please say a great big "Hello and Welcome" to  Masters Dougal and Hamish; a couple of braw cats who hail from Auchtermuchty and came home to North Berwick via Newburgh.  Dougal is black and white and Hamish is white and black. They're a couple of months old and they're cutest things on four paws. They are as cute as the cutest cute things on planet cute.

We're knee deep in feline paraphernalia - cat nip mice, bouncy spiders and a brilliant play tunnel. My arms are scratched to pieces and  everything is going to wrack and ruin. I'm typing amid a cacophony of crashes and squeaks as they re arrange the kitchen and race round like mad things before collapsing into that deep deep kitten  sleep. I'd forgotten just how wonderful kitten energy is and how hard it is to think of anything else when they're about.

We picked the wee darlings up on Friday from their foster Dad Chris, a lovely man who gave them a great start to life. They were Dougal and Fred, but we thought Fred wasn't quite right and so went for Hamish from the Radio programme. They are lovely affectionate moggies with the sweetest of natures.

Their first night, we spent the evening on the kitchen floor helping them feel at home. Dougal, who's big and beefy and looks so confident, immediately ran for cover via a rather tight squeeze behind the fridge. I don't think Ali will ever recover from seeing Dougal jammed solid. We reckon that might be life number one gone; Dougal already has the air of a cat that gets into scrapes, something I'm sure you cat lovers will understand (and a good few parents too!).  Hamish, who's slight and delicate was out and exploring very quickly, but he kept his wits about him and kept his distance at first. Hamish was happy just playing with his ball of foil brought with him from Fife.

By the next morning, Dougal was out from under the sink and under the radiator and Hamish was totally chilled.  As we head towards the end of their second full day in their new home, their characters are beginning to emerge. Hamish is the quieter, more observant of the two. He starts things off and then Dougal joins in. Hamish is very like the lovely Bute; he looks similar and has already taken to the bit of climbing rope that Bute loved to play with; he has amazing reflexes and is very fast. Dougal is a serious purrer and very vocal. He can jump and is already trying to jump up onto surfaces way beyond his ability (famous last words!). They are playing with the intensity and commitment of Olympic athletes and it won't be long before the bird table is at risk.

So the next generation has arrived; there are cats once again in our house and all feels well with the world. Kittens for Christmas - what a lovely lovely thought.

No running this week, but lots of spin and training. My feet are calming down a bit and I think I have an explanation for what's been going on. Watch this space!

Hope you've had a good week and that all is well, whether you're running, walking, jumping or just keeping your head above water.

Take care

suex

The non running runner: embracing the still calm centre

Life without running continues and yet I have travelled further in the last few days than I have for ages and ages.

It's now over a month since I last hit the streets, with no clear end in sight.  I should be feeling frustrated but I'm not.  I now accept I can't run and may not for some time.  It's a case of  going with this experience to see where it takes me.   If I try to work it out in my head it doesn't make sense,  I want to fight the idea that I can't run. But if I don't think, if I just go with how I feel,  I have to be honest,  I'm beginning to enjoy the space left by running.  I feel guilty typing that - how can a runner enjoy not running? Am I still a runner when I don't run? Does running in my mind count? I don't know. All I know is none of that matters at the moment - everything is as it must be.

I'm still no nearer to knowing what 's stopping me running. It's complicated so needs a more detailed analysis to get to the bottom of it all. My feet are sometimes painful and I need to rest them, but on every other front, I'm making great progress. My hip flexors and quads have loosened up nicely and I can go up and down that roller with barely a grimace. I'm sweating cobs on the bike and the elliptical trainer and spinning to a band playing. I'm swimming and stretching and getting down and sweaty with Jillian Reynolds. I spend a lot of time lying on the sitting room floor, tied up in multi coloured resistance bands, twisting myself into peculiar (and painful) shapes to stretch some muscle I didn't know I had. And I'm still walking on golf balls. Every muscle in my body is getting back into position and balanced up.

It is so weird to say this, but not running feels right. All sorts of interesting things are happening in what used to be my running time.  It began to get clear for me at yesterday's yoga class. Now I've not been to a yoga class since I lost weight, I've been too busy running and doing the things I couldn't do when I was overweight. But yoga is great for the feet and balance and muscle strength, so off I went.

It wasn't just my body that got a work out, the gentleness and calmness of the class gave my head a real treat.  If I had any doubts about being in the right place, they disappeared when Lucy focussed on feet and how we need to care for them and appreciate them.  What more proof did I need that this is exactly where I needed to be? The sense of being in the right place at the right time was very powerful and as the class went on, my anxiety and tension disappeared and I accepted the moment. All was well with the world, I was at peace.

I'd forgotten that yoga isn't just about yoga toes; it's about creating a space within which things happen and we emerge stronger. Lucy, the yoga teacher took us on a journey to the  still, quiet centre of our being.  I began to realise how rarely I stay still and listen to the silence these days. I am always moving, always listening to something or reading or analysing. My head and legs are at it non stop from the moment I get up til I hit the sack at bedtime.  Running, especially my long runs, gives me that space and I was missing it. I was getting out of kilter, out of touch with me. The peace and stillness of the yoga class was like cool water when you're thirsty and with all my charging around being busy, I'd been too busy to notice just how thirsty I really was.  Time to take that chill pill.

I now know that not running is the right thing for right now.  This time will pass and I am determined not to waste the opportunity it gives me to explore other paths and other options.  I'm quite excited to think about how I might take this stillness and connection into my running, but I have a bit more work to do before I'm ready for that!

As the saying goes 'this too will change'. In a couple of weeks I hope I'll have a better idea of what the problem is and so how to fix it. In the meantime, who knows where not running will take me.

Whatever you're up to. have a good week and stay strong and safe.

Take care

Suex

Feet don't fail me now!

There was an article recently in Runners World about how many runners get injured and then injured again. It was quite scary. Well, despite everything, I just became one of that statistic.  Yes, I have an injury, a running injury and I can't run.

Now of course I'm fed up. Today has been beautiful; glorious sunshine. I've been here knowing I should have had one of those wonderful long sunny runs today. I can see that run in my mind's eye and I sort of wish it was snowing so I don't have to think about it. But apart from mild frustration, I've been fine; this is nothing like how I felt last December when I tore that calf muscle - a lot has happened since then.


It looks like I have a compartment injury in a tiny muscle just above my inner ankle.  It's caused by repetitive strain and I guess that poor little muscle just couldn't cope when I upped my mileage and was up to 4 runs a week - without a niggle.  A gradual increase in using minimalist shoes and more trail running all added up. I'd got some sore muscles but nothing that worried me. The I got a niggle. At first it was just sore and went away as soon as I slowed down.  It came back the next run, but pain wasn't too bad at all and only came on at about 5 miles. I could have quite happily run through it, but there was something about it that wasn't right. My instinct was to cut the runs down and see what happened. After a week's rest it came back a little bit stronger at 4 miles. I walked home.

My physio Pam had a good look at me, and it seems the problem is in my feet. Since my injury last year, I have to say my feet just haven't felt the same. They'd lost some spring and mobility but I never really paid attention, I thought it would just come back naturally. As a result, those little tootsies weren't absorbing the impact of running properly and it was going up my leg irritating that teeny tiny muscle. Apparently some people just have this weakness and I'm one of them.  Looking at my feet with new eyes, I can see the arches are flatter and I now have an explanation of why my trainers felt smaller. Yes, hindsight is indeed a wonderful thing.

So, no running, but I feel fine about it. In fact I'd been thinking of taking a couple of months off and do more cross training. Well be careful what you wish for! The big difference this time is I can move, I just have to avoid impact. I can cycle, use the elliptical trainer, lift weights and of course do Pilates and Yoga.  I can keep up my exercise plan and do some serious cardio stuff til my quads scream. After last year's enforced immobility, I thank my lucky stars that I stopped running before I did myself some damage.

One of the high points of recovery from injury is when you can get off your butt and start doing things again. Luckily I only have to stop running, so I'm already on it,  doing some serious work  on my feet. The golf ball is in regular use on the old plantar, the roller on the ITB and good old Jillian Reynolds is back on the DVD player.  Yes, my life is full of pain and it feels good!

I'm not quite sure how long this will take, but the next step is to see the podiatrist to get a more detailed analysis of my feet and to keep doing my exercises, giving the leg time to recover. I may be able to correct the problem, if not I will need an operation to split the fascia. But I'll worry about that later - no point in meeting trouble half way on this one.

Despite all this, my spirits are high. I am sorting out a weak spot and I've a good chance of doing so because I picked the problem up early on, went with my instinct and stopped running.  We all know that running is about our heads as well as our legs and it was my head that got me into trouble in the past. But Chi Running has helped me think differently.  I didn't just run through the pain; I listened hard and made sense of what it was telling me. Sports massage and physio have helped me interpret the messages and take action. As a result I've the chance to nip what could have have been a nasty problem in the bud.

It's by pushing our limits that we discover our weak spots and they tell us how we can get even stronger. So I see my injury not as a weakness, but as a strength - it's  evidence that I'm pushing myself to my limits and a bit beyond.  Weakness would be to ignore the messages, to keep on doing what I'm doing when I have clear evidence it's not working; to ride roughshod over my poor old feet.  This is helping me feel positive about my not running; I'm taking control, re-creating the balance and getting better and stronger. When the next weak spot emerges I'll be ready for it, and  I'll tackle the next one and the next until I get as far as I can go.

So, no runs this week, but 3 hard gym sessions, lots of yoga and Pilates and I've done my physio exercises with true devotion.   Those of you who have used the golf ball and roller will know that this is not a pain free path.  But this is pain I'm happy to work through, knowing that it won't kill me; it will make me stronger.

Have a great week. Take good care.

Suex

Goodbye Vile Kyle, the monster cat from hell

If you'd met Kyle towards the end of his 17 and a bit years you'd have thought he was a real sweetie. Every day he walked a bit more like John Wayne and he purred like a Rolls Royce. Kyle in his dotage was a total darling.  But in his youth, Kyle was known, with some justification as Vile Kyle, the monster cat from hell.

Kyle as a kitten had brown curly fur and even more than his sister Bute, he was totally devoted to me.  He would climb up my dressing gown and snuggle down the front or hang round my neck purring in my ear.  Kyle was a great hunter and brought me many presents over the years. But he didn't go for mice or birds (well not much), as befits an island cat, Kyle preferred to fish. Kyle did a special kind of air fishing. He fished washing off the neighbour's washing lines. Socks were his favourite. You'd hear him from some distance away, a muffled yowl as he told the world about his prize and then dragged it through the cat flap. Underwear, children's clothes, a swimming costume, toys, tea towels, cleaning clothes - all sorts of things would be waiting for me when I got back from work.  When I could, I left the day's catch on the front wall  but I did draw the line at leaving out the calvin klein's he brought back once.

Kyle was also famous for being totally and utterly vicious even to my Dad whom every furred and feathered creature under the sun loved. Dubbed 'Vile Kyle' by my nieces after one of his more spectacular rages, I secretly admired his uncompromising commitment to living life on his terms. Mind you, I usually escaped his fury. How one small ball of black fur can scare the beejesus out of my Dad, my nieces and for a time even Ali, is beyond explanation.

It was partly his gimlet eye, partly the sharp and gleaming claws but what made Kyle truly awesome was his lightening quick reflexes. Kyle used to lash out from unexpected places at passing legs, arms, scarves, whatever was nearest. Of course I knew he was only playing. Even towards the end of his years, the vet had to move pretty quickly when he tried to cut Kyle's claws. I felt a glow of maternal pride that the old Kyle was still there. Ali always said I was like one of those women in East Enders, who after another emotional battering would say 'he's a good boy really'. And of course Kyle was, underneath it all.

Kyle used up his quota of lives and a few more besides. He was at death's door on the vets table at least 3 times, but kept coming back stronger than before despite failing kidneys, a weird cold type thing and a spot of the old dementia. We'd almost begun to believe that Kyle might just live forever.

Alas dear Kyle only lasted a few weeks longer than his sister Bute and we said farewell to him a few days ago. His time had come when he couldn't get up for breakfast, his legs had finally gone, probably jumping off the settee. The house is now cat-less, or at least it's supposed to be. I guess after 32 years with a cat round the place, it's not surprising that I still hear cat chat and the little chirrups and squeaks that populate the feline/human interface. The terrible twins have left a fair bit of fluff, fur and happy memories behind them.

The day I brought the terrible two some home from Rothesay, I swore I wouldn't love another cat like I loved their predecessor Damian.  But of course I did, they stole our hearts. It is better to have loved than lost and Vile Kyle and Cute Bute are absolutely part of our family history. Tales will be told of the vicious, almost indestructible cat with the awesome life force and the wicked sense of humour, the indefatigable Kuyle.

So farewell my furry friends. You are missed.

Too teary to write about running. Take care

Suex

A little bit of help:

Okay,  Summer's over, the nights are fair drawing in and work's on a mad rush before Christmas.  Things are hectic. Getting out of bed in the dark is hard work. Going out for a run in the cold is hard work. Resisting that chocolate biscuit is a real challenge. This is the time of year when the lure of the armchair is strong.  This is the time of year when my will power has its work cut out.

I've blogged before about will power; it's like a muscle, you can train it and strengthen it, but if pushed too hard it can get worn out. By the time I get home from work, my will power runs at a peep. That's when I get my reward for getting through the day (and they do say will power is linked to low blood sugar levels).  On good days or when the wind allows, my reward might be a run, or in the summer we go for a walk. But on the bad days, especially the cold, dark, wet winter evenings, my attention turns to cake or a slice of toast (or maybe even a glass of wine!).

So I was intrigued to hear about some research (scroll down a bit)  about how we might be helped to cope when our willpower tank is running on empty.  Psychologists in Aberdeen stuck signs in coffee shops giving calorie counts for different food choices. These are organised from the lowest calorie options on the left to the highest calorie ones on the right.  Next to it is a little note saying that if you want to eat fewer calories then you might want to think about picking something from the left hand side. A little reminder, a helping hand. Not a fact, not a lecture, just a little helpful reminder - a nudge. They picked left to right as apparently we have a small bias to things we see on our left so pay attention to the left (hmm I wonder if that works if your writing goes the other way...).

Anyway, sales of high calorie foods dropped and sales of about half (not all) of the low calorie foods increased. There was a shift from high calorie to low calorie options - a black coffee instead of that latte. And even more interestingly, when they asked customers what they thought, the ones who scored lowest on will power were more likely to change what they bought and many went for the lower calorie option. Hurray! A win for us, a win for researchers and a blow to obesity!

But never, ever underestimate the ability of us humans to do the unexpected.  The researchers found that some people just swopped one high calorie option for another. Instead of having that latte they had 3 chocolate bars - the same number of calories, the same unhealthy options.  They were all women. They were probably calorie counting and this was their treat. I think that's fair enough.

There's no doubt that with our busy lives, worry and stress pull us in a whole load of directions. In winter it can all be a little bit harder.  There's a lot of reasons given for the rise in obesity and I do wonder if our busy lives, lack of time and our many responsibilities drain our will power even more than in the past. Plus we have more temptations and choices and it's all too easy to go for the comforting treat. I don't think we suddenly have more lazy people in the world; none of the overweight people I know could be ever be seen as lazy. Busy? Juggling like mad? Yes! Lazy? Definitely not.

I know my will power varies a lot and not always predictably. A run can fire me up making me feel strong and healthy and I really (really) don't want to eat chocolate. But the next run really deserves that cake! An extra pound on the scales can set me back on track with vigour or send me straight to  the biscuit tin with depression.  I know when I was caring for Mum on top of a busy job I couldn't resist the chocolate treats I bought her to encourage her to eat something.

So if the researchers can come up with something that helps us remember that we do have a choice and makes us think for just a moment, then I think that's brilliant. A little note so we think twice before reaching for that bun when we're on autopilot and making lists about lists in our heads. It's not a nag. It's not a lecture. It's a helpful reminder for busy people with busy lives.

Talking of which, I've had another reminder this week. I've been in serious running mode. Despite the weather, I've wanted to run every day and do hills and tempo runs and just run and run. But on Wednesday I got a twinge in the area of my calf where I had an injury. So I've made myself do an easy run and take 2 rest days, even though the sun's been shining and I could have run (grrr).  Half of me feels like a sulky teenager, the other half feels strong and sensible.  I still did 4 runs, 25 plus miles. I feel good!

The Chi running is really helping me in so many ways, including my tendency to over do things. I wonder if it can help me sort out my tendency to overeat!


Hope you've had a good week. Take care

Suex