Thank You to urban fitness gb team for doing Arch2Arc for Alzheimer's!

This is a special blog from me and Mum to say a big thank you to Urban Fitness GB who are going a little bit out of their way for charity.  These guys are going to do an 87 mile run from London to Dover, swim the English Channel and finish off with a 181 bike ride to Paris and they're going to try and break the world record for doing it.  Awesome, as young folk say these days, totally awesome.  They are raising money for  Alzheimers UK and the The Firefighters Charity.
I want to say thank you because what they are doing makes a difference to people's lives and I want them and you to know why I personally want to support what they're doing and why it matters.  It's all about me and my Mum. There's Mum in the photo - we're feeding the hens at Knowes Farm Shop. Mum has Alzheimer's and is just amazing in how she copes with it. Visiting the chickens is a happy time for us, it takes Mum back to her childhood - remembers all you ever need to know about raising hens.

But Alzheimer's is much more than just a failing memory. It is a cruel and horrible disease and if I ever needed a reminder, I got one last night.  I went round to Mum's yesterday after work and found her in tears outside her house, wandering in different directions, totally distracted and very distressed. She was looking for Dad. Dad died just over two years ago and up until recently Mum knew that all the time, now she only knows it most of the time, yesterday she'd forgotten. When she forgets, Mum hears Dad's voice calling her, hears him in the house, sees him out of the corner of her eye. Mum searches, but she can't find him, so she searches inside, outside, in cupboards, under the bed, desperate to find him, unable to understand why he's not there. Dad was there for 52 years, she remembers that, for now.

I walked her gently inside and we sat down. I stroked Mum's hand and spoke very calmly and soothingly, touch and tone communicate so much. We talked through what happened and what she did and how the problem with her memory means that sometimes she forgets even very important things. Mum says it's because she's still in shock at him going, that if it wasn't for her family she couldn't go on, and we leave it at that. Just how much reality can one person take at once.

We start to talk about happy times, and Dad bless him comes to our aid. We laugh at stories about Dad and his DIY (dire!), his love of cricket, his sense of humour and those family camping holidays (never again). Gradually things get back to what counts for normal these days and Mum smiles again, enjoying being able to remember things for now. I head home in tears. Thankful that for now Mum is okay and just has normal grief to live with.

It breaks my heart that Mum has a disease that does this to her, that tortures her like this. Each time she goes through it it's like Dad dies again for her and she is bereft.  My dear Grandad had Alzheimer's too and the irony of ironies is that Grandad, like Mum, also forgot that his wife, my Granny had died and wept afresh when he was told. In the end his children had to say she was in hospital, no one could bear going through it any more, soon I will have to do that too. Dad went through all this himself with his own father, he'd be heart broken that his dear wife was going through it, but happy that I was there as he was for his Dad.  What makes me sadder and even madder is that Mum's not alone. What scares the life out of me is how many millions more like Mum and Grandad there will be in the future unless we stop this disease somehow. It is not a natural part of aging, it's not a bit of a memory problem, it is not normal, it is a horrible disease that destroys lives, removes dignity and is very, very cruel.

I want this awful disease stopped and I want everyone like Mum to be helped. I can't tell you how scary it is for her to go through all this and how brave she is every single moment of her waking hours. Alzheimer's Scotland and Alzheimer's UK have helped me and Mum cope in so many ways and fight for the rights and dignity of everyone with Alzheimer's, their families and friends. Mum and me can't do this alone and I am glad we've got them fighting for us.  We're going to need them more than ever in future.

So that's why I want to say thank you to these amazing guys and every one who does something special to raise money for Alzheimer's charities. Mum and millions like her are what it's all about, that's why what they are doing matters. Their amazing feat will make a difference to real people like Mum.  You can help too, please sponsor these guys  Urban Fitness GB Arch 2 Arc Challenge
Guys, when your legs ache and you hit the wall, I hope you'll think of Mum and all the millions of others with Alzheimers and know that they're worth it and that we thank you for what you're doing for us. Mum says that it helps to know that there are people out there who care enough to help. It's not just about the money, it's that you care. Thank you.


Take care

Sue and Sue's Mum

3 Things I Do to Stay Slim: What My Diet Taught Me

Why did I have such a struggle with my weight? Why is it so easy for some folk to stay slim? You think it's be a fairly straightforward thing to sort out and we all have our own ideas, but the answer is different for every one of us. There's lots of judgement and blame dumped on people who 'weigh too much': we're lazy, greedy, undisciplined and just eat. We have to defend ourselves of course: it's not our fault, we're fat because of things out of our control - our metabolism or our genes.  But of course the real answer is a bit of both - we're all fat or thin for a whole range of reasons, some things we can control, some we can't, and the mix is unique to us.  The main thing is to know the difference between what we can control and what we can't.

Having to face up to being fat meant I had to think long and hard about how I got to be 56lbs overweight. I'd always been a healthy weight, with a few 'fat' periods over the years, but I piled on the pounds as I reached that 'certain age' for women. For quite a while I just accepted that it was inevitable and I blamed my hormones, my age and being stressed for putting on weight. Even if I did accept that I could at least take a bit of control, I just didn't have the time or the energy. I was busy coping from moment to moment and sorting out my weight was really not top of the list. Like thousands of women in their middle years I was a human dynamo, working, caring, shopping, cooking, the works; keeping loads of plates spinning, not noticing that the one with 'Sue's Health' on it was about to crash. It was only when I realised my health was threatened by my weight and that I'd be the one being cared for that I was forced to look again  (see my blog below -  Facing up to being fat: time to take control).

When I reached my target weight, I couldn't diet any more, I had to make up my own rules and I didn't know what to do at first. I realised that over the year of my diet I had learnt to eat and cook in a new, healthy way and that in the process I had come to be much more aware of what made me fat in the first place. The big reason I had got so fat was that I refused to pay attention to what I ate or what I weighed. I stuck my head in the sand, steadfastly ignoring the fact that what I was eating was making me fatter and fatter. My diet had confronted me with the truth that I was not eating healthily, that my eating habits were making me fat and ill and that if I wanted to stay slim I had to pay attention to what I was doing to myself.

I identified 3 things I now do differently and which help keep me slim:

I have taken control of what I eat.  My worst bad habit was I never ever used to think about what I ate. I ate what I liked, when I liked and felt deprived if I couldn't.  I could have written a PhD on calories and fat and all that stuff, I'm not stupid, but I never once sat down and worked out how many calories a day I was eating. When I started using the food diary, I was horrified, in particular how much saturated fat I was eating. I was amazed I wasn't even fatter given what I was eating. I ate far too much of everything. What an eye opener. No wonder I couldn't exercise it off!

I know how much I weigh - Another bit of ostrich type behaviour  - I never weighed myself before I started the diet. I didn't believe in scales, not sure why. That first weigh in was quite a shock. Now I always know what I weigh and regard this as essential information to help me keep control of my health. I don't have a set weight but I have an upper limit and I know if I'm going up and up or staying more or less stable.

I control my weight by what I eat, not by exercise -The third insight I got into why I was fat was that I have a real tendency to rely on exercise to control my weight; rather than eating less to lose weight, I exercised more. I do love exercise so it's no hardship, but it's a bit unsustainable.  To have a fighting chance of maintaining a healthy weight I had to look at what I ate and learn to eat to exercise not exercise to eat. Taking up running has really helped, I have to eat well and be disciplined in the quality and quantity of food I take in and of course I have new  running targets now to replace the weight ones.

Three small but important bits of insight into how I got fat are now helping me stay slim. My relationship with food, like many other folk, goes back to what I learnt as a child, things I took for granted and never thought to change. For me, my weight was not a problem until I came up against some brick walls - hormones and age and not being able to exercise it all away. I was out of control until I had to look more deeply at why the weight piled on when it did. That helped me find things I could do to make a difference. It's not easy but it is helping me make it work.

I'd love to know if you got a better understanding about your weight from dieting or some other way. What have you learnt about your eating habits? Has it helped you take control? What have you done that's made the difference?
Take care

Sue

Facing up to being fat: time to take control!

I've had quite a weekend! It's been fantastic to spend time with my sister and her lovely family and we all had far too much good food and drink and lots of laughter. Life is short and sharing the feast with your loved ones is one of life's greatest pleasures. We're so lucky to be blessed with both in abundance in our family. I am so, so tempted to just to keep going with the treats, but I know I'll regret it! But when to stop?

I've been pondering how easy it is to get back into the unhealthy eating habits I used to have and how that's fundamentally about what goes on in my head. I bet I'm not alone! I think I knew deep down that I had to lose weight for years, but did a fantastic job of ignoring how fat I was getting and how it was affecting my health.  I refused to weigh myself and played ostrich as my dress size crept up.  My 'fat days' clothes became my everyday clothes, soon to be replaced by bigger 'fat day' clothes, and so the pounds piled on. My chronic indigestion and sore knees were just worry and age. But hey, I was happy and loved, so what did those things matter. I ate good organic food, butter not marge and exercised regularly, walking, Pilates and yoga, even the odd cycle. What did I have to worry about???? 

I had to face reality early one morning 18 months ago as I tried to get into my winter tights.  I tried putting them on standing up and I tried sitting down, but I couldn't reach over my tummy. I tightened my muscles, I breathed out as far as I could, still couldn't reach. I had to lie on the bed with my legs in the air to get anywhere near my feet. It was like dressing a dying fly.  I was hot, bothered, and totally embarrassed.

There I was at 51 years old struggling with one of the most basic activities of living - getting myself dressed. What would happen as I got older?  This wasn't just about facing a cold winter in pop socks - I was pretty well insulated and already some way down the matronly fashion road.  This was about seeing for the first time the likely consequences if I did not radically change what I ate. I think I finally accepted that
 I wasn't fat because of my upbringing, it wasn't someone else's fault, I was fat because of what I chose to ate.

I knew I wanted to keep moving and active.  Most of us are lucky enough to take basic things like dressing ourselves and being able to move at will for granted.  I had watched my much loved Dad live with Parkinson's Disease which gradually took away his choices and his movement. Yet here was I also losing my mobility because of  what I chose to eat.  It felt wrong to do that to myself.

So that December morning another bit of the jigsaw fell into place and I faced the truth about my weight and began to take responsibility, to take control. I didn't start dieting right then, it was at least another six weeks before that happened, but I had finally accepted that I needed to act. The young, fit me inside was getting ready to fight back. Somewhere in my head things were starting to change, my time was coming.

I think back to that morning when I have problems getting back into eating healthily. I remind myself that it's up to me what I choose to eat, that I have a tendency to ignore facts that I don't like and that I want to stay young and fit and healthily for as long as I can. I think of what Dad would say and how he'd be right behind me, probably trying to get me to take up cricket before it got too late!

That feels better! So, a nice walk this afternoon I think and our favourite healthy chicken and veg curry for dinner - I'm looking forward to getting back to the straight and narrow!

Hopw do you get yourself back on track? Have you any ideas for how to cope? Please let me know!

Here' me and Ali after our aniversary lunch at Greywalls in Gullane, very full!

Take care

Sue

Running away guilt..me time for carers

Guilt, where would we be without it! Last Saturday was a lovely sunny day and I decided to grab a bit of 'me time' trotting the roads of North Berwick.  It'd been a busy week at work and Mum struggled to make sense of things, so I was a bit worn out, but wanted to keep some of that wonderful feeling of my first half marathon going.

I headed off accompanied once more by the woman's hour podcasts and as my feet got into that familiar rhythm and my mind began to relax, my thoughts turned to ......guilt.  Guilt! At first I was irritated, running is supposed to soothe the mind but here I was building up a head of guilty steam and it was giving me a tough time. Guilt because I was running when Mum was on her own and I could have taken her to feed the chickens. Guilt because there was ironing to do and meals to cook for the freezer to save time during the week. Guilt because there was work work to do.  Guilt for being selfish and taking time on my own.  Guilt because I no longer had the excuse of training for my first ever half marathon. Guilt from asking so many favours from everyone, that I don't like to ask them for money  to sponsor me and then more guilt about not raising money for charity and letting them down.    Great, wonderful, fab - carer guilt writ large with bells on!

But, one of the great things about running is that it helps untangle those mental knots, so I went with the flow and let the run sort things out.  I realised I had guilt about guilt - things were getting out of hand and I needed to start thinking differently or I'd just go round in circles and be no use to person or beast.

I enjoy running, but feel guilty doing it just for me. I was proud to wear an Alzheimer's Scotland shirt on the Edinburgh Half and hoped it helped to raise awareness and that made me a bit less guilty. But that wasn't quite enough to absolve me I needed more of a reason to run.

I realised I had to tackle the money bit, I had to overcome my horror of asking for sponsorship, asking for yet another favour.  Somehow I had to make it so I was offering them something. I came up with a story that just about works for me, at least for now. For a donation, people could pay me to run the race for life for them.  Everyone could participate - either as a runner or by paying me to do it for them. Or they could help me raise money. If I could use this to overcome my embarrassment of asking for sponsorship then I could square my guilty circle. I decided to give it a go.


Guilt was a lot of the reason I put on so much weight in the first place. I didn't leave any time for me when other people's needs were so much greater, and that did my health no good at all. It doesn't help anyone to have a sick and stressed out carer so I had to tsart looking after myself, but like many carers, I tended to put me last of a long line And I still struggle with 'me time', a lot of people do, but hey you've got to try. I know it'll take more than a long run to get all my guilt removed, I think it came hard wired! 

So I've done my justforgiving website and Ali has sponsored me.  I'm still not happy about asking for money, so if you have any good ideas to help me get over this hurdle I'd really appreciate it!

So, um, please sponsor me and I'll help you raise money for a great cause!

Take care

Sue

How to stay slim after weight loss - keeping motivated

I hit my target weight loss autumn, it was a great moment, standing on those scales and seeing that finally, I'd made it after almost a year of hard work and self discipline. Those weekly weigh ins, friendly words from the mentors and the loosening waistline had really kept me motivated, kept me well and truly on track, gave me something to aim for.

Now I'd got there, all I had to do was stay slim! Why oh why did I think that this would be the easy part?  I was fine for a few months but gradually my weight started creeping up - not helped by a minor op, Christmas and lots and lots of snow. I knew all I had to do was get back on that diet for a week or two, but I couldn't face it, I wanted to try and manage my weight normally, I'd had enough dieting, but there was nothing round to help me. I began to get de moralised and I did think about just giving in and getting fat again (Thanks Carol for giving me a talking to!).

It was quite a struggle and now it was all up to me. I was training for my big run so needed to eat healthily, work was really busy and Mum would now only eat if I ate something with her (miming didn't cut it, it's only her memory that's fused!).  The scales - my big friend during the diet didn't work any more.  My clothes fitted fine which reassured me that things hadn't got out of hand, I was fit as a fiddle and was looking good for the run, but I needed more of a push, I needed something to keep me motivated.

I got some real inspiration from other weight loss success stories who set themselves a goal for after reaching their target.  For some it was looking good on the beach, or a big occassion; one was to blog every day about food (see Foodie Fisher!) but the one that caught my eye was running. Two of my weight loss sheros had set themselves a running goal for a few months after the end of their diets. I needed my goal.

I'd always had a secret dream to run a marathon but never ever thought I would. As I lost weight that dream began to become possible, I decided to take some tentative steps. I signed up for a half marathon. I signed up for Race for Life.  I'm currently working out when - yes when - I should dare to go for that marathon dream, then I'll work back from that. Suddenly, I'm looking ahead, I have my goal and I'm going to go for it. It's a bit bonkers, but it's definitely not boring!  To get there my weight will have to go up and down, I will have to eat well and eat healthy, I'll have to be disciplined and not get too heavy or my knees won't stand the strain! But I have the scales and my trousers to help me keep on track and my dream to keep me going.

We all need a dream or a wish or a hope to keep us going whatever challenge we set for ourselves. For some people it's to make money or get promoted or win the lottery. My first challenge was to lose weight, as I did that I rediscovered my dream to run 26.2 miles with loads of other people. I will run that marathon and I'm already thinking about what happens after that - good to plan ahead.  Watch this space!!!

I'd be really interested to hear how you keep motivated to lose weight or keep the weight off? What keeps you going? 

Happy dreaming!

Sue

Piling on the pounds: the perils of the caring crunch

When I look back I can see that things began to go awry with my health a few years ago. I put some serious weight on when I started caring for my elderly Mum and Dad. Gradually, caring took up more and more of the time I'd had for me and I spent less time with friends and keeping myself fit and healthy. I got seriously trapped in the caring crunch and my health suffered.

So much of caring is about food that it can become an obsession. Mum wasn't eating properly as Alzheimer's took hold, Dad was in a care home, battling Parkinson's. I'd  come from 200 miles away every month with a shopping bag full of the finest foods Marks and Spencer could provide. I wanted to brighten their days, whet their appetities, make them happy.  A double choc muffin was Dad's idea of heaven and not even Parkinson's took that from him. For the three of us, sharing a cup of tea and a cake was being a family again, and we had some happy times.  I could head  back north a couple of days later knowing that they had an apple pie or a scone to look forward to. An obvious way to show love, and a language we all understand.

Over those years, my weight ballooned and I got a serious unhealthy eating habit with no exercise.  You give your all when you're caring for others and this can make it hard to find the time and energy to care for ourselves.  I don't like the phrase 'comfort eating', but that's what I did.  I cared for Mum and Dad with food and I cared for me with food, it was an easy and quick fix, it filled the void.  I'm not sure it did give me comfort, but it did make me fat and gave me gallstones.

But life moves on, Mum and Dad moved closer to us, and eventually Dad died. Caring now took up less of my time than it did and Ali and I had a future to think of. I will never criticise myself for getting by and coping using food. Sometimes that's all you can do. But it takes its toll. When Dad died I was 4 stones overweight and morbidly obese. I was not far off being less fit and less active than my parents, I needed to start caring properly and stop killing us all with my chocolate covered kindness.

I'm still caring for my Mum and as her memory worsens, I can feel the crunch building up. I still use food as a shorthand for love more than I should, but I make sure Mum gets lots of fruit now.  But I am not using food as my comfort and reward. I am caring for me by keeping a little bit of precious time for myself to spend with Ali, make time for a walk, to go for a run, to train for that marathon one day. I won't deny myself the simple joys of a good fruit loaf, but I will savour it and taste it. Sounds like progress eh? Fingers crossed!

Here's a photo of Mum and Dad on their last Valentine's Day together - 52 years together. Don't be fooled by Dad looking asleep, that's the Parkinson's or the Lewy body dementia - he knows exactly what's going on!

Take care

Sue

Running for Dad - the Edinburgh Half Marathon

I still can't believe I did it, that I ran 13.1 (+) miles.  All the training runs, all the advice I read, nothing prepared for me the experience of that first half marathon. I was used to running with a chum or two and on long runs was very much a lone wolf - sticking on the headphone and setting off for a few hourse with Jenni Murray to keep me going. Running the Edinburgh Half on Sunday was something else...

I'd thrown myself into the pre race tweeting and face booking which was great to get to know some of the basics about what was to come. I asked lots of stupid questions, realised that lots of us were nervous and got an idea of just how different we all were, but all coming together to run. It was great and I really felt part of something as I headed off to Meadowbank Stadium.  It was so exciting to see people walking, cycling and bussing to the stadium in all sorts of gear.  But I was nervous too and poor Ali left a rather tense wife in the queue for the porta loos.  I was not alone and the queue got longer and longer, but luckily for me I was befriended and soothed by some lovely ladies from North Berwick. 

Then into the stadium to walk about and get my bearings. I stood in the sun to get warm and gradually began to relax and just absorb the fact that I was about to do what I'd been planning for about 6 months.  As the elite runners headed off, we all waved and clapped and I once again had that lump in my throat. What is it about these runs that is so moving? There is something so completely and wonderfully human about long runs, unaided by wheels or bits of wood, just legs and what we can persuade our bodies and minds to do.

And then it was my turn and  the 2 to 2.5 hour runners were off. No amount of lecturing about water loss could stop be sniffling as I headed towards the gate and the open roads of Edinburgh.  We had started. It was slow and packed, but I just told myself I had plenty of time for a burst of speed later on and that did the trick.  I headed off to Afro Celt Sound System - suitably Celtic and atmospheric and just went with the flow.  Gradually I became aware of a really weird flopping/slapping noise, quite unlike anything I've ever heard before. It was the sound of thousands of trainers hitting the Leith pavements. I have that sound in my head and will carry it with me forever - the sound of runners en masse. Never expected that one!

It was the most beautiful sunny day, just great to be alive and outside, and so great to be able just to run and enjoy it. Some of the runners did tend to cut me up a bit. At 5'2" and being a female of a certain age, I am not unused to being invisible until trodden on, but I was a bit freaked by some of the close shaves. However, the zen of the run (or maybe the endorphins!) came to my rescue and I decided I had to run my own race, to own my bit of the road  and not be intimidated. It worked and I relaxed - I wish it was always that easy!

There were so many high spots. The kind and warm Edinburgh and East Lothian people who came out to wave and wish us well, particularly at the end where some lovely people really kept me going and made me cry again!  The marshalls were just wonderful, really encouraging and gave up their time to make sure we didn't get lost. The kids and dogs who thought we were really amusing and a bit bonkers (how true) and the police and ambulance folks who kept us safe.  Most of the drivers were friendly and patient too, I hope they all got where they needed to on time.

It was hard work at the end, I have never been so happy to see Cockenzie Power Station and turn that last corner. I saw the finishing line and it was truly one of the best sights ever. I still don't know why it seemed to move further away the more I ran, but I did get there in the end. I made it over the line at 2h 5 minutes, my final time was 1 hour 58 minutes and 57 seconds. Ali was waiting for me with a big hug and a post race bag of goodies. I'd made it.

As we left a sunny and busy Musselburgh RaceCourse, I'd already started to think about what next. If I can do a half marathon then one day I can do a full one, it's just about training and hard work. 

Once again I'd proved to myself that I can achieve what I set out to, that I can do challenging things, that I can go beyond my own expectations.  Just like losing weight, I could do it if I set my mind and heart on it. All that and it's good for you too! 

As we left the stadium, I knew that somewhere my Dad was so proud of me. Parkinson's Disease had stolen a lot of his life from him and his family. He loved to be active and it was his death two years ago, almost to the day, that had inspired me to do things now whilst I still can. I'd run for him and for Mum who has Alzheimer's. 
Here's a piccie of a very happy but tired me at the end.

Happy running!

Love, Sue