Runner Reborn: the end of a dream?

It's been a big week on the recovery front. Physically I am doing great, taking great (baby) strides.  I've braved public transport and climbed from the bowels of Waverley Station to the dizzy heights of Calton Hill.  I've survived the inhumanity of being knocked over by fellow commuters who think trying to hold on is pushing in. (I really would have kicked that man but I'd have fallen over).

I can walk like a normal person for short distances and as long as I don't go too fast or too far.  I've done a few low impact aerobics workouts and Zumba. (I've been really impressed by Jillian Michael's 30 day shred). And of course keeping up the Pilates to keep my core strong and balanced. Physically, I'm getting there.

But as I've said before, the really big thing about recovery is not physical; it's mental, emotional and spiritual (or whatever you call it).   Getting an injury knocks your confidence; it makes you feel like a rubbish runner; it's pants being patient and waiting. Somehow you feel you should be working through the pain and you're a wimp for giving into it.  Coping with the pressures to get out there and run is tough, but like every other hard thing in life, if it doesn't kill you, it makes you stronger.

Last week I mentioned I asked my Twitter chums how they avoid injury.  @Pyllon suggested Chi Running; @rowenanews reminded me about the marathon goals that matter more than time.  Well, these seeds have taken root and are starting to sprout and they have made me look long and hard at some stuff I'd been trying to avoid.

In this enforced time out, I have an opportunity to be a better runner. As I start running again, I can start from scratch, using the experience I've gained and the wisdom of other runners.  I can ditch all the stuff I've picked up along the way and that's holding me back.  I need to find my inner runner again. I know if I was running any thinking would be trampled under my bouncing Brookes; but because I am so totally and absolutely fed up with not running, I am very open to anything that means I can avoid this happening ever, ever again.

 Desperation has made me accept a few home truths:

Hard Truth number one.  I'm not going to be in good enough form to run the Barcelona Marathon this year. Fact. I have decided. Whether or when I do a Marathon can wait until I'm back on my feet and running normally again. That hurts, but it has to be so.

Hard Truth number two: I was partly responsible for my injury. Very hard to write that one! I am Mrs Sensible. I read, I prepare, I do as I'm told. How can it be my fault? Of course it's not about fault (!), I just have to accept that there's things I can do to make me a better runner and reduce the risk of injury.

Hard Truth number three: I need to rediscover my inner runner, the runner in me that knows how to train, who knows how to improve. Following schedules and training plans is not the answer, I need to work out what suits me, that probably means running less and cross training more.

It's hard putting it all down in black and white. It's hard to kill your dream, it seems like such a defeat and a failure.  But I want to run forever more than I want to run a marathon in a few weeks time.  I started off well just running in my own way and I got 1/2 marathon and 10k times I am dead chuffed with. Marathon training in a reduced timescale stopped me doing what comes naturally. It was like getting into a very tight pair of trainers and the consequences were dire. I need to get back to that Sue and let her guide my running.

So, onwards and upwards. I am going to use Chi Running to help me find a better way to run, not just technically but inside.  I will do that marathon, I know I have it within me, but I will do it when I'm ready.

I'm hoping to run again soon. I can feel it in my quads. I just hope the sports bra and Garmin are in working order!

Take care and if you're running or recovering, be great!

Suex