And then a miracle happened...

Recovery Week 2 is now complete. Hooray! Three runs done of 4 minute running and 1-2 minutes walking. It's been a great week for beach running - lovely weather, not too much wind and tide times fitting my schedule. It's been an incredible contrast with the freezing wind and rain of my training runs.

Of course I'm delighted to be running again, it's fabulous. But if I'm honest it's been a hard slog even though I've not run for more than 4 minutes at a time and only hit 2.5 miles today. Every run I've wondered how I ever managed to do 26.2 miles when I haven't even got to 2.6 miles yet, yes it's been tough. But of course runners know to trust the process and the wisdom of our bodies, so I just got on with doing the running bit and waited for the usual miracle to happen.

The miracle came this morning.  Saturday morning runs send a tingle down my spine. During marathon training Saturday was the day I did my long run - my favourite run of the week. On a Saturday I could run as long as I wanted, no time limits, no desk to get back to, just the trail ahead of me. It's like being a kid and being allowed to play out all day. So early this morning I left the house with a lovely warm

glow from previous Saturday mornings at the back of my sleepy head.

The beach was empty for almost the entire run. The beach was mine, all mine. Running along an empty beach is like you own the whole world for 30 glorious minutes.  I headed off as usual, checking my garmin for my 4 minute intervals, listening to the sound of the waves and the seabirds.

Because it was a Saturday I allowed myself an extra interval, plenty of time to rest as I can't run again for at least 3 days.  As I hit the big stretch of beach between North Berwick and Gullane, the empty beach rolled out ahead of me and my own footprints behind me.  Something clicked inside; my legs eased into running gear, my breathing slowed and I just relaxed. I felt like a runner again.

As I ran  I remembered how even at my fittest, I often found those first two miles bloody hard going.  I'd put the struggle down to my slow recovery, but I'd forgotten that I nearly always have to grit my teeth for the first couple of miles even at my 'peak'. My heart lifted, my stride lengthened. As I started my last 4 minute interval I checked my time on the garmin and for the first time in my recovery runs, looked at my pace. I had to smile at the return of my speed obsession but I was pleased that I hadn't even thought of speed until now.

So a great recovery week, more recovery of the heart and the spirit than the legs! Though of course technically, this is not about recovery - I'm not going back to how I was, I am going somewhere new, somewhere better.  But the discipline of recovery has been critical; it's made me slow down and this has given me time to learn and reflect. If I'd done my usual dash to get back to form, I'd have missed some important stuff. Sometimes in running you need to slow down and let the sound of the waves carry you.

Have a great week, run safe and run strong!

Take care

Suex

Back on Recovery Road....

Ah, the joys of running. There's nothing quite like that first recovery run to make you appreciate the simple pleasures of running.

Being off your feet for more or less 8 weeks feels like forever. That last run in June was not joyful, everything felt out of kilter. A niggling hip, that little voice inside that you really wish wasn't there, telling you that you need to pay attention or else. I know the signs and I know resistance is futile. I stopped running and just kept up the spinning and yoga. The problem persisted and it was clear I had a problem that wasn't about running.  It turned out to be hip bursitis and the trigger seems to have been incorrectly positioned pedals and too many madly serious spin classes.  I was trying to protect my knee...... what's for you won't go by you.

There then followed a couple of months trying to keep off my feet, avoiding stairs and generally taking it easy. It wasn't as awful as I'd expected because I knew that it was time to stop running and sit down and deal with a backlog of other stuff that had accumulated (more to come in future blogs).

But sitting down doesn't mean you can't improve your running and I didn't waste my time. Running strength relies on a strong healthy body, so I went to see a nutritional therapist who helped me clean up my diet and rationalise my increasingly random selection of supplements and vitamins. Over the years I'd accumulated a small pharmacy of stuff from glucosamine to fish oils.  An analysis of what I ate by health rating rather than calories showed I was eating a lot of dairy and not enough carbs. My liver was struggling without my gall bladder, even though I hardly ever drink alcohol.  Roisin suggested I cut out dairy for a while. Within 24 hours my allergies to cats, dust, hay fever, pollen and a shed load of other stuff, disappeared. Stopping dairy meant the end of a 15 year long daily anti histamine habit.

After 6 weeks or relative inactivity, it was time to get those legs moving again. A fab holiday in the North of Scotland in all its sunny glory signalled the time to start moving. We did some good quality long walks over cliffs, across beaches and along rivers. Walking gives you plenty of time to focus on form, so I took my Chi Walking book with me and worked on form as we walked along. Over that week, I felt my muscles strengthen bit by bit and my running head gradually returned.  The little niggles began to fade and life came back to my feet and legs. The time to run grew nigh.

It felt more like a re birth than a return to running when I set off for my first run in months - two miles run/walk along the beach early one morning when no one else was around (well if there was it was too misty to see them!).  I'm using the full recovery plan from Running Well, written by two great running gurus and a forward by my shero Dame Kelly Holmes. It starts with several weeks of run/walk, gradually building up the running time over 6 weeks, after that you build up the running time using the usual training rules.

Week 1 of recovery is done.  6 miles running, 6 miles walking. No spinning!  It's good to be back and it's good to be back slow knowing that every step is making me stronger and getting me back on track.

Take care

Suex

Feels like taper madness... what happens when runners don't run

A long period of not running is a bit like a prolonged taper, it does weird things to your mind. When the running stops, that running-shaped bit of our lives becomes a void where there be dragons and monsters to work wyrd magick in our heads. When we taper, we have to trust the space of not running and it's often when we get a deeper understanding of running.  Not running because of an injury brings a similar void. I'm beginning to realise the importance of finding the value of 'not doing'; not running; whatever the reason for our stillness.

In my last post I found myself questioning the right to call myself a runner. It led to a lovely exchange with Bob, a Twitter chum and remarkable blogger.  Bob has a powerful story to tell about being a runner and not always being able to run (I don't want to spoil the story so will say no more!).  His tale helped me understand that I am indeed a runner even if I'm not on my feet. If you ever get fed up being injured and fear you're losing hope, read Bob's story and believe. Thanks to Bob I know that at a fundamental level that no matter what I do, I am a runner. #thatisall

As the week went on I got more and more aware of the vacuum created by not running and how clearly I can see how running has become a fundamental part of my life, of who I am and increasingly, my core survival strategy.   When things have been tough, running has got me through. Now that I've stood still for a while, I can see I've almost literally been running for my life the last wee while - to burn off stress and clear my mind. Running has given me a massive sense of achievement and self confidence that I can do what I set out to do. It has provided an escape from worries and fear. Running has gifted me friends, a positive attitude, resilience and more confidence than I have ever had about anything: ever. But I only truly understood this when I stopped running.

The weird thing is it's all crept up on me without me even noticing.  Three years ago I was doing one run a week and just beginning to think I might go for a half marathon.  I could easily slot a run into my life with almost no adjustment. I just had to find a bit of time - about an hour a week. I wore my  usual gym kit and shoes. I ate what I normally ate. Easy.

But over the last 3 years, the balance has shifted and quite often I'm working out how to juggle things round a run. The signs are visible everywhere I look.  The alarm set for the crack of dawn to squeeze a run in before work; protein shakes in the cupboards; more trainers than heels and drawers full of lycra.

Nature abhors a vacuum and I have felt a real desire to rush to fill the spaces with noise and ideas and plans and goals, but if I do that I lose the true value of being where I am.  So I'm not going to do that. I'm going to stay here for a while and see what emerges. I'll be running soon and I'll lose the perspective that not running gives me, the chance to reflect on my life from a different place.  The future lies in the spaces in between and it will emerge in  its own good time.

Every time I've taken time out of running I have gone back stronger and better and more fully a runner. The first time brought I discovered a Chi Running teacher and community that have helped me connect my mind and body and focus on form.  The second time I learnt how to  accommodate my less than perfect biomechanics (i.e. dodgy feet) and to balance my lop-sidedness. Now, I'm reflecting on where running fits into my life and how I want to run over the next stage of my life.

When we runners don't run for whatever reason, a space is created. What we do with that space is up to us. We can turn away from it, ignore it, freak out, pack it full of activity.  Or we can lean over the edge, take a peek at what lies within and wait for new things to happen. It  really is a case of watch this space!

Whether you're running or reflecting, have a great week.

Take care

Suex

Ich Bin Ein Runner

What is the defining feature of a runner?

It's only over the last two years I've come to define myself as a runner, even though I've run sporadically for over 50 years.  I'm very proud of being able to call myself a runner now that I feel I've earnt the right to the honour and there's no doubt that it has transformed and enriched every aspect of my life.

At the moment, I'm a runner who can't run. The fact that running is so much more than a physical act is painfully apparent to me just now. But what happens when you can't do the very thing that defines an important part of you? I might feel like a runner inside, but how do I proclaim my running identity when I'm not able to run? How do we runners recognise our ain people if they're not clad in lycra and trainers and out on the trot? When I see another runner and I'm not running I want a badge, an arm band, some way of letting them know that, although I am walking and in civvies, I run. I want to tell them - 'I'm a runner too, I just can't run at the moment!' I don't do this of course, I've come to learn that shouting at strangers is not acceptable behaviour.  If there's someone with me, I have been known to make a running-type comment just loud enough for the passing runner to hear so that they know I am not just an ordinary person, I am one of us. Sad but true.

But even though I can't physically run, I am still a runner. Being a runner means being part of a massive community of folk to compare notes with, to share tales of glory and woe with. The running community loves to chat about the great passion we share. We learn from each other and support each other and cheer each other on to greater feats. Though indisposed, I can still work on my running. I can read about and develop my understanding of running; I can blog and tweet - life savers for us runners who are off our feet.

 I'm finding the combination of injury-enforced time-out and connecting with the wider running community is taking me to interesting new places that will ultimately develop me as a runner. Because I'm injured I don't have an active running goal; no time; no race; no distance to focus on. This has enabled me to open up to new and better ways of doing things.  For those of us who tend to get carried away with enthusiasm in our running, injury time can be nature's way of making us take stock. So the really daft thing to do is ignore the importance of time out and waste its potential.

I'm finding the mental part of injury time is a bit like the process my mind goes through on a long run.  Once I settle down to accepting I'm here for a while, I begin to relax into where I am and just go with it and see where it takes me. Last time injury took me to Chi Running and my teacher Nick. This new long non-run is leading me to think about why I run, what drives me to get out there. I'm not sure why or where this will take me, but I know it's a journey I have to make.  I have to put on my mental training shoes and get out there beyond my psychological comfort zone.

I am a runner. I can't run, but that won't stop me and it doesn't take away the fact that I am a runner. I ran today. I sat in the garden with my eyes closed. In my mind's eye I visualised my favourite run.  I ran barefoot from North Berwick along the beach; splashing in the briny and leaving perfect Chi footprints from here to Yellowcraigs and back. I felt the sun on my face and the wind at my back (going and coming back - a delight of virtual runs!). The oystercatchers shrieked and the gannets were diving from a deep blue sky.  My muscles were strong and every bit of me was on perfect form and my mind felt clear. I could run forever.

Hope you've had a good week, free from injury of the body or mind.

Take care,

Suex

Back on the bench...

Well, seems like I was right to call canny and not push through the pain barrier. Thanks to a mid week visit to Pam at PhysioPlus (Hi Pam!) that niggling not quite right sorta feeling in the hip has been diagnosed as a trochanteric bursitis. That's inflammation of that knobbly bit on the outside of your hip that crunches on the gym floor when you're doing clamshells. It's one problem I never had when I was overweight! Despite taking it easy and cutting the running right down, that hip just kept on niggling.  It didn't hurt when I did things and didn't always hurt after a run or spin class. It did hurt after running for the train with a heavy rucksack (the joys of modern work practices!). But when a yoga class had me in agony and left me feeling jangled and not right afterwards, I knew there was something that needed sorted out. That's one of my favourite things about yoga, there's no place to hide when things are out of synch, you just know.

Luckily it's fixable, I just have to rest for a few weeks and then gradually build up my exercises again.  Nothing like the calf tear where I had no idea what caused it till months afterwards.

Of course it's irritating not to be able to run in this lovely weather when the beach is soo inviting, and our walking holiday will be a bit different than planned.  It's even more annoying that I can't spin or cross train or do anything that involves lying on my side. Its a bloody nuisance that walking hurts if I do too much or carry heavy things. I can't stand for long either and sitting - well even that hurts!  And an injury that isn't helped my yoga or Pilates? Now that does not compute. Sometimes it's good to have a good moan!

But I don't have much to complain about, a few weeks and some changes and I'll be right as rain. It makes sense that it's the hips that are in the firing line now as that's where I used to get aches and pains when I first started running. When I first hit the tarmac, I used to get a sore lower back which I now know was because I was sticking my butt out (as physio Judith explained to me, equinnus foot goes with an S-shaped spine).  Then it was the calf, then the foot, then the knee and now back up to the hip. It's all gone full circle and every time I've identified a weakspot, I've worked to correct the form, strengthen the weaker bits and stop doing what aggravates it. I suspect this cycle will keep going as long as I choose not to give in and sit and watch tv!

So I'm making the most of not being able to exercise and looking at some re balancing.  I met a dear friend for lunch at the The Rocks in Dunbar (such good food and fab company!) - that's the pic at the top. I've played with the cats and enjoyed watching them discover how to get onto the shed roof. They're still mastering bird watching with very little obvious sign of actually catching anything but I'm enjoying watching them learn - lessons for me too there I think. That's Dougal at the top - he is quite magnificent and Hamish below who is unbelievably cute. Both mad as hatters as indeed are all cats.

I've done some pottering in the garden and finally got my sweet peas in and my asparagus staked. I have 2 asparagus spears, but it's too young a plant to provide anything to eat just yet. The birds are well fed and the plants are watered.

I even got time to get to The Abbey's strawberry tea. That's Mum's wonderful residential home, and no running meant I had time to go and help out on the tombola. It was a really lovely afternoon with lots of relatives and friends gathering round the residents and what a lovely bunch of folk they are. The Staff are quite wonderful and do all they can to make Mum's and her chum's lives about living not existing.  The place is currently fixated with the emergence of a clutch of young chickens from eggs incubated in the hall. There's been a buzz every time one hatched out and there's always someone sitting watching them.  It doesn't take much kindness to transform a life.

So  I'm back on the bench, waiting to get back to form, trying to be positive about not being able to exercise when there is lovely sun and NO WIND. I know that I have a  tendency to rely on exercise as a crutch to get me through the hard times and keep my body in shape. Yet again I can't do that and yet again I must really learn to get to grips with it. But as the cats melt in the sun and I head off to potter in the garden, I count my blessings.

Hope you're all having a good week and have sun where you are, What must it be like to live somewhere where it's sunny all the time!

Take care

Suex

Life after a marathon: even my recovery time is slow!

It's over a month since Lochaber and by now I'd planned to be well into the next challenge of being a Speed Queen again, training for Race for Life in June and on my way to a new 10k PB. But as ever, things haven't worked out quite as I'd expected and I've realised that marathon recovery can have a bit of a tail....

Things started off well immediately after the marathon. I had one day of being very stiff, a few days of minor aches and pains in places that don't usually hurt and then everything felt normal.  But I didn't rush back to running. For the first couple of weeks, I ran very little and focussed on mixing the activity up to get my body re-balanced. I wanted to re establish my original core fitness that stood me in great stead when I started running a few years ago.

On my first post marathon run, I felt stiff and heavy legged and it was hard work. The second run felt  more fluid, strong; I was coming back and it felt good.  Good, until the next day when my knee and my foot hurt. It was weird, neither cause any problem when I run, and I had no problem during or after the marathon. In fact they'd been fine since February when I was half way through marathon training and got my insoles.  But then I twigged; I'd done the second run au naturelle without the insoles (though still in my Brooks).  My post marathon plan had been to build up my natural unaided running as part of general base training.  This turned out to be a bad move. Those 5 miles, great though they were at the time, set me back. Lesson learnt.

So I went back to spinning, yoga and pilates and didn't run for almost a whole week. The next Thursday morning dawned beautifully sunny so it was time to get out to the beach and just see how things were panning out. This time I wore all the foot stuff, I wasn't taking any chances. Five super sunny miles, without a niggle and I even did a spot of fartlek for fun.  I felt great. Phew, back to normal. Until the next day when, yes the knee and foot started niggling.

However, things weren't as bad as before at all and quickly settled down, so I decided to cut running down to once a week, keep a spin class or two and a Pilates or yoga session. I also decided to focus more on strengthening my feet and knees. So this week I've started every morning with some feet and knee exercises and after work on Friday we  had a lovely barefoot walk on the beach. It's just impact that my tootsie's struggle with and I even managed the first (deliberate!) paddle of the year. Pretty warm it was too.

Yesterday, I did Zumba (my first for months and what fun!) and a short interval session on the treadmill. For today's treat, Ali and I got the bus to Gullane and walked the 6 and a bit miles back.  Not much of a view, but the beach was really atmospheric. Someone has fixed the coastal walk so you can get almost all the way to Gullane by land even if the tide's in. There's a lovely bit of new woodland path that I am looking forward to running soon.

So, full recovery is taking a while,  but there's no rush, I've got plenty of time. I'm just doing what feels right and going with that and not my head telling me I need to get on and achieve things.  There are some things that might never 'recover'. My feet are bigger now. Before I was a size 5, now I run in size 7s. My abnormally high arches are a little less high than they were! Will they spring back? Who knows! The other big change is how good it feels to have accomplished something despite all the struggles and obstacles. I know it's not like Everest, and I know loads of folk can run miles and miles further in much less time and then do it again the next day.  Running is about what you can do, not what other folk can do and Lochaber was my achievement; no one can ever take that away from me. Never. Ever. And that feels good.

Oh, and something else that felt good this week, I got a piece about the Lochaber Marathon in The Scottish Running Guide. Which is great cos that's where I found out about it in the first place!

Hope you've had a good week and got some quality healthy you time in too. It's so hard to make time with all the things we need to do, but we are definitely worth it!

Take care

Suex

I've run a marathon - what next???

I had one of my most favourite (and shortest!) runs ever this week.  Monday morning I just ran for the fun of it on the beach; without insoles, without gels and no thought about fuel or glycogen. I just got up, got dressed and ran. That's the first time I've done a run purely for the fun of it for months and it felt great!

I'm sure no matter how many half and full marathons I run and how fast or slow I do them, nothing will feel like the first one. I've really enjoyed the exclusive focus on running and what I've learnt from pushing myself and aiming for something that wasn't easy. And I hope very much that I'll run another marathon if I'm spared and well; but not for a wee while. For now I want to spend a bit of time doing all the things I've not had time to do and get a bit of balance back into my life and muscle - I like balance.

There's been a few things about the whole marathon thing that have driven me batty.

- Not being able to do much exercise with Ali because I had to run all the time
- Having to run to a timetable not when I want to - especially when it 's a lovely day but I can't do a run on the beach because I'm resting (AARRGGHH!!!!).
- Having to focus only on distance and forget about hills and speed, especially speed, it is my weakness
- Not being able to do spinning and running because my knee began to grumble if I did too much

The biggest thing is the time that marathon preparation takes up -- especially when it's your first one and you can't even think about cutting corners (expect the crisis type cuts!). The juggling, the wheeling and dealing to get those runs in.  Without the long runs I have so much time.  Ali and I can do lunch and get a walk on the beach.  Yesterday we cycled to Haddington and back for lunch with a dear friend.  My legs really enjoyed the change, especially my knees.

And there's the energy! That first weekend without a long run, I was up early and completely bottomed the kitchen. I was up ladders, on top of cupboards, into every nook and cranny. Our kitchen has never been so clean and the spiders have had to make do with a move to the garage.  Since the long runs stopped, the garden has been weeded and I've done swimming and aqua aerobics, the cats are all played out and I've done all sorts of stuff I've not done for months.

Finally, there's the mental space that marathon prep takes up. I still wake up at 5am planning my running schedule for the week. I'm still checking tide times and wind direction several times a day and looking to see whether I can fit a run into my work schedule. But it's a but less obsessive now and I have a bit more brain capacity for stuff that isn't running.

But of course running's not far from my thoughts. There's another reason I want time to do other things. I never captured the level of fitness I had when I ran my first half marathon, I spent most of the training sorting out my deformed feet. Plus in my training, I got loads of things wrong and many's the time I thought 'next time I'll remember to do X or Y'.  It's in my blood to learn from my mistakes (just as well given how many I make) and I never waste a learning experience (especially if it hurts) so I've decided to spend the rest of the year getting myself into good basic shape to start training for a marathon next year (I want to do Lochaber again, I loved it). I know now what bits of me I need to work on.

I've set my fitness goals for the rest of the year as:

• Taking my Chi Running deeper, which includes the Nick's Chi Running weekend in the autumn which I'm really excited about (dead chuffed to feature in Nick's roll of honour this month too!)
• Building up my basic fitness, core strength and resilience, especially the bits that struggled most with the training. A mix of Pilates and Yoga and circuit/strength work to build key muscles and strengthen joints.  And I'll get back to spin with a vengeance.
• Getting my 10k back under 55 mins and maybe even a new pb.  That should keep my inner speed queen happy!
• Reintroducing hill work. I was much slower and running felt harder without the hillwork. Like speed, it got binned so I could build up distance. I'm going to very carefully start building in some hills and get those calves back to peak condition.

The aim is to get faster, fitter and stronger by the end of the year and to re discover and develop other aspects of my running, the bits I've neglected so I could run long. I want to start marathon training next time from a stronger base using my experience of what it's all about and how my body responds.  I'll keep doing my long slow runs now and then, mainly because I really enjoy them. I just like heading off and running up the coast and back on a nice day, simples.

So, that's it. Time to get off the laurels and back onto the training schedule. Apart from my mini run, I've done a cycle ride, pilates and yoga and a couple of Gillian Reynolds shred sessions. Everything seems to be in working order, so I'm ready to go.

Lots more full and half marathons this week and some great achievements.  Whatever you're up to, be great!

Take care

Suex