Fill your trolley: the psychology of food shopping

Deciding to lose weight is a life changing decision. It's a bit like marriage, you want to do it, you want to make it work, but are you going to become a different person? Will it change you? It's a journey you embark on in high spirits and with great expectations - with very little idea of where you'll end up.

It's not the big changes, it's the small ones that challenge you most. The things you used to do automatically without thinking - breakfast teapot for two not one; not taking the car keys off with you. When I started my weight loss programme,  I knew I'd have to eat different things, but I hadn't really worked out what that meant day to day and just how deep rooted those changes would be.

Going shopping, cooking meals are habits that are built up over the years so you go through the motions with barely a thought, you just do what you always do. I saw a study a few years ago that found a very high proportion of us have fridges and cupboards full of the foods our parents had, foods we grew up with. 

One of the scariest things about starting to lose weight for me was the first shop. If you're like me, you don't have a shopping list, it's all in your head, you can shop happily on automatic pilot. Well on my diet, my old list didn't work any more - panic! I was lucky, my weight loss plan gave me a shopping list, so I didn't have to work it out from scratch, but it was still very strange, like having a map to a new world.  

Some of the the territory was familiar; chicken, fish, fruit and veg, porridge, yogurt. So far, so good. But there were alien objects on the list, strange foods that made me feel I was shopping for a stranger. Crisp breads? Rice cakes? These were foods eaten by people on diets who don't like food! I remember my Mum eating them in the 60s, along with the grapefruit and the boiled egg diets that made her ill and a bit tetchy.

I was suspicious and unnerved.  I am definitely not a faddy diet person, I care about my health, these were not my foods, what were they doing in my trolley??  I consoled myself that they were only a small part of the list, and I wasn't ashamed of being on a diet was I (or was I? Hmm, another story). I decided to regard it like eating food in another country, I didn't have to love them, I just had to try them out, for a while.

The biggest change was the number of absent friends from my shopping trolley, foods that I always had in my house, and would no longer. Losing weight meant I had to say 'farewell' to foods I loved, foods I delighted in discovering and eating - cheese, bread, cakes and biscuits and wine.  I loved cheese; I loved the variety, the taste, the texture of cheese. I loved the social aspects of cheese, talking about a new discovery, sampling different tastes at the end of a lovely meal with friends. Low fat cheese would not cut the mustard.  These delights were absent entirely from my shopping list and I felt a sense of loss. I was a person who loved cheese who would eat it no longer. I missed cheese!

But I gradually came to love my new shopping trolley.  I love the colour of the fruit and veg that now fills it full to the top. Low fat yogurts replace cheese and I discovered Rachels Low Fat Organic Probiotic Rhubarb Yogurt which is better than ice cream (and now as dangerous!). We have lots of different fish too and very rarely eat processed meat. I delight in the diversity and abundance of my weekly shop, and I certainly don't feel deprived, my basket truly does overflow. The local farm shops are doing well out of us too as we treat ourselves to local seasonal veg and fruit. If you're in East Lothian try Knowes Farm Shop and Gosford Bothy Farm Shop. Haddington Farmers Market is a treasure trove of local healthy lovely food from around the area.

What we eat says a lot about who we are.   Our faith or beliefs can determine what we eat;  we have allergies and sensitivities; foods we we like and don't like, all of these say something about us. What we eat makes us who we are physically and psychologically. How many times have you looked at the shopping basket in front of you in the queue at the supermarket and formed a judgement? I do. I can compose complete life histories, if not dynastic sagas based on the content of the next shopping trolley. Have you ever hidden the white bread under the fruit in the trolley or explained to the check out person that the chocolate biscuits are for your Mum?  I have. Oh yes, food is much more than just physical nourishment.

Now, almost a year after reaching my target weight, I am happy with the new me. I like what my trolley says about me. It says this is a woman who loves to eat healthily and well.  Changing what I eat has changed my size but also changed how I see myself and I hadn't really expected that, it's a bonus. This idea I eat healthily is also a bit of a brake on indulgence, well I like to think so!

They say you are what you eat, how true that is!

Take care and happy shopping

Sue

Mind Games - Fartlek for the Brain playfullness

I've had a wearing week, it's been non stop and I'm knackered - bet you all know exactly what I mean. All I wanted to do was sit still for a while and rest, maybe sleep. But I knew that I had to go for a run and to try and make it a long one or I would regret it. Punchline - I dragged myself out for 10 miles and I feel so much better. That's all because I now believe me when I tell myself I will enjoy it and the hardest bit is just getting out of that front door.

 

So much about running is not really about your legs - you just put one foot in front of the other as fast or as far as you can.  Simples.  The big challenge about running is your head and what goes on in there.  All this stuff about mental discipline and toughness that the serious althletes talk about (and which sounds so scary to us ordinary folk) is at the heart of running, it's what it's all about. The best runners are the ones who put their heads down and just get on with it

I've never really had to think about mental discipline. I'm one of these folks that is a bit of a butterfly. I tend to follow what interests me with great passion and enthusiam.  Of course like everyone, I have to be disciplined every day from the moment I get out of bed to the moment I fall back in again. But I never thought this was about discipline, you just do it and get on with it. And that is the secret - you just do it.

Running is teaching me all kinds of stuff about what you can do if you really put your mind to it. It's teaching me that if I can take control of what goes on in my head, I can achieve things my aforesaid head thought I couldn't do.  

In running there's a range of techniques you can use to get better and to help you take on challenges that you once thought impossible. My favourite is 'fartlek'. Right, stop sniggering at the back! It's Scandinavian for 'speed play' and it's made for butterfly big kids like me.

Fartlek is really simple, it means that when you're out for your run, you play around with your speed and see what happens. You speed up till you reach the next lampost, or sprint as fast as you can until you get to the end of the beach. You play around with how fast you go in your burst, whether you run up a hill, how long you leave between bursts, whatever you want, you're in control.  It's all about trying things out and seeing what happens and it works.

The magic happens for me because it's playful, experimental and the pressure's off. No shame if you only sprint for a minute, no blame if you stop when it hurts. You can't help but learn a bit about yourself and as you push that little bit harder,  the penny drops that you can do a bit more than you thought you could and you up your game.

I was out very early the other day for a run. A lovely sunny morning on the beach, a perfect morning. The Bass Rock was white against a blue sky; the sand that lovely red colour that goes so well with the sea, the sky and the grass.  But my legs were like lead. My body takes a while to wake up, not for me the #4.44 alarm favoured by the mighty Pyllon!  So I was kind of split between euphoria at the beauty of the day and misery at having to run when I should be in bed. And I'd not had any breaklfast - Mrs Grumpy, bad mental attitude.

As I trundled along, I thought with all this going for me, why didn't I just buck up and get moving. I remembered the advice of my lovely mentor Jill about how acting as if you're confident or happy can make you feel that way. I put a big grin on, I lifted my face to the sun and got my posture good and strong, I lifted my feet and before too long I began to feel good. As I felt better, I got stronger and speeded up and my legs began to enjoy themselves. My head seemed to have caught up too, I was starting to feel good.  I started a bit of mindlek - playing around with my thoughts. Positive thinking made my legs work, negative thinking made them heavy and unwilling. I twigged that my brain and legs worked together and kept each other on the right path - or indeed the wrong one!

I'd always say I was never built for speed, I'm a long distance gal who likes the steady slog and my natural bent is to focus on running longer and longer distances.  But you have to build speed up for distance work and I don't always have time to run for hours, so I played with the speed workouts in Women's Running magazine. Well a few months later, I'm speeding up and my 5k time is getting quite respectable and my 'natural pace' has increased too. I'm beginning to enjoy 5K!

Playing about has made me challenge my own beliefs about what I am capable of and improved my performance in ways I couldn't have imagined.  I have shaved a chunk off my time and got my little legs moving faster than I thought I ever could. I don't run fast? Well I do sometimes!

I shouldn't be surprised, play is how children learn, so that means it works.  So much of being a grown up means that your ability to play gets restricted and labelled as irresponsible, but play is one of the most powerful ways of learning and getting better at what you do. Play opens up your mind and makes you prove yourself wrong.

So, if you're like me and a bit tentative about believing in yourself, try a bit of play and see where it takes you. You have absolutely nothing to lose and a massive amount to gain.

Take care

Sue

Travelling Lite - How to Eat Healthy on the Move

The joys of summer travel. I was sitting on the plane at Edinburgh airport. The wind and rain were at gale force, gently rocking the plane from side to side. Under my window an engineer hammered away at a strip of lose metal on the baggage doors. My thoughts drifted to wondering if I had just eaten my last meal...... And that got me thinking about eating on the move.

Healthy eating and dieting are a nightmare when you're travelling. Unless you pack your own lunch, you're at the mercy of what's in front of you, with little if any choice. What there is often ain't very good.  The old British Rail sandwiches might be a cliche, and wouldn't win any awards, but I suspect they were healthier than some of the delights on offer today, whatever your mode of transport.  

As it's holiday season, I thought I'd share some of my best and worst healthy-eating-on-the-move experiences.

Trains. This particular rant started last year when I was on an East Coast train between Dunbar and London. I had recently started my diet, and in the past I'd have treated myself to a bacon roll and kit kat and that would have done me. But now I was on a diet and had to pay attention to what I was eating. I tottered off to the buffet just after York and looked for something healthy. Nothing, not an apple or a banana. Not even a salad in a box. It was cheese toasties or cake or chocolate. The nearest thing to healthy was an oat bar over 500 calories and more than my whole daily allowance of fat. I took it back to my seat with some undrinkable luke warm tea (I'll spare you the tea rant). I did not tick my healthy eating boxes that day, and even tho I could tick the will power box, chocolate would probably have been healthier.

Planes. Well lots of people complain about airplane food not being very nice, but I used to quite enjoy some of it -  until I began to think about what I was actually eating. I have no  idea how many calories are in the meals they serve, they look too tiny to contain much of anything, but I suspect there is quite a lot of fat and salt in them.  Someone told me there can be more salt in airplane food than you think.  There were no healthy options and the snacks were lethal. One of the the apricot biscuits I got with my tea was 209 calories. That's right - 209 calories for one biscuit with marginal food value. What a waste of calories, I should have had a glass of wine!

Once you're a captive consumer you're done for - even when you want to eat healthily, you often don't get the choice, and you rarely get enough information to know what you've actually eaten. If like me you're daft enough to ask about healthy options, you're likely to be laughed at. I was laughed at by the buffet keeper on that East Coast train which is particularly galling as we bailed them out.

Now I take my food with me and top up with apples and portable meals from many of the excellent food stores around and there are some shining healthy beacons. Many major train stations now have Marks and Spencers foodstores with all the range, diversity and information you need. They, along with Waitrose, Cafe Nero etc are at motorway service stations to give some relief from the usual fast food nightmares and that awful greasy smell that sticks to your clothes.

One of the biggest areas of improvement has been at airports.  EAT and Pret are at many airports now and do fantastic healthy food that is fresh and even contains vegetables (note to ed, do blog on vegetable rant).   EAT has a large and very yummy chicken soup at 290 calories which fills you up in a most delightful way.  Pret do a magnificent smoked salmon and crayfish salad at 140 calories - less if you leave off the salad dressing which is on the side. After food like that I feel I have had a real treat, I've eaten good quality food and only 140 calories. Win-win!  I like that I get information on what's in the food so I can decide for myself what I eat.  I like that I have the option of eating good healthy honest foods, a bit special and no additives. Perfect.

It's also great that you don't have to go to posh hotels to get a good healthy breakfast. Premier Inn offer you the usual cooked or continental but with organic yogurt; green tea; fresh fruit salad and porridge amongst a range of options. Nom, nom.

Travel can be pretty toxic at the best of times and it is often a time for caving in on the healthy eating front. But I find that having to eat rubbish food just makes the whole travel thing more tiring and bad for my system. It's great to have choices about whether you do want to have that full Scottish and a pint or two of lager at 4am or the organic low fat yogurt, fruit salad and green tea.

That's some of my travel heroes and villians. Things are getting better, but it will be some time before I travel without an emergency apple and a banana in a case.

Wherever you're heading this summer, for work or play, I hope you travel safely and well. If you have heros and villians on the healthy eating front - spread the word!

Take care

Sue

Finding My Motivation for the Next Challenge: Tackling my Secret Nibbler

56 pounds, 25.4 kilogrammes - the excess weight I accumulated bit by bit, pound by pound over the years. The excess weight my poor body dragged around night and day; up stairs, down stairs, running for the bus, even to the gym. That's more than the luggage allowance most of us get on the plane when we head off on our holidays. It's more than I can lift or probably even move without wheels.

56 pounds, 25.4 kilogrammes. I have to keep reminding myself. That's the amount of weight I lost last year and I worked really hard to get there. I was focussed, disciplined and right in the zone. I went for it and I did it and it has improved my life in ways I never imagined. I was motivated by the weekly weigh in and the positive comments and encouragement of my diet mentor. I was exhilarated by loosening waist bands, dropping clothes sizes and a new shape. I was skipping with joy as I ran, walked, cycled and swam further, faster and lighter than ever before.  I had so much positive feedback from almost every direction that I stayed fired up and motivated with relatively little difficulty.

Then came the hard part - keeping the weight off and I am struggling to keep motivated. There's no thrill in a flat line whether it's on the scales or the waistband.  Running gave me a new motivation to keep healthy and has enriched my life in so many ways, but it's not about being slim or losing weight. See Rhona's recent blog on her experience of training for a marathon. http://www.redwinerunner.co.uk/

This isn't just about finding my old motivation or switching it on. It's becoming clear to me that keeping my weight under control is going to be a totally new challenge and I'm still working out what the challenge actually is and how it works. One thing I have worked out is that this time I have to go deep, I have to tackle my secret vice - my nibbling.

Yes, I nibble. I am a self confessed nibbler. I come from a long line of nibblers and at some level deep inside, I truly believe that calories don't count if no one sees me eat them. Nibbled food is special, secret and very, very addictive. That spoonful or three of Rachel's rhubarb low fat yogurt every time I'm near the fridge. The spoonful of low fat humous. (Has Ali never wondered why there are always loads of  teaspoons in the washing up bowl?). The apples and grapes. The chocolate biscuit nibbled round at Mum's when I'm making her tea or the post holiday sweetie brought back by work chums. That rice cake when I pop into the kitchen to check the washing. I love to nibble: and it shows.

On my weight loss programme I did not nibble, well not much anyway.  But even after only a few weeks at my target weight, my discipline began to sag and my old ways made a serious take over bid. I was very happy with my new healthy eating regime, that didn't change much, so I allowed myself to nibble the spare calories in my allowance. I do nibble much more healthily now, but it's not what I nibble that's the problem - it's the nibbling itself. I think this may have been a major tactical error and I'm trying to work out how to work with it.

So, I'm sitting here over my target weigh, looking at a weight-line that is probably going up, albeit very slowly, and wondering how to tackle my nibbling. Is it a failure of motivation? Do I focus on finding the motivation not to nibble? Is it hunger? Am I not eating enough at mealtimes and so the desire to nibble is stronger than it needs to be?  Is it because I have some deeper need to comfort nibble that I need to address? Nibbling does seem to be linked to the caring role and is very much a treat just for me. Is it something to do with how my body works? Whilst I have always nibbled, my interest in cake only started after I had my gall bladder out. Hmm, that psychology degree is going to come in handy!

To try and keep on top of things, I keep reminding myself that I can achieve when I want to and I really want to stay slim. I still want a longer, healthier and more active life, to feel and act younger and more confident. I want to keep dancing and touch my toes, to run. But I have still to find the motivation to stop nibbling.

When we start a new quest, we're fired up and that drives us to new heights and feels great. But there's a time before and after the giddy excitement, when we work out what is to come and when we get ourselves mentally prepared. We decide to take on that chellenge and go for it.  We need this thoughtful, often introverted time, but it can feel like treading water, like a loss of courage or direction, like failure. Often we have to dig below the surface of the problem to find what really needs sorted out, and often it's something about ourselves. It's also the time we size up what's ahead of us, summon our energy and make the decision to go for it. We set the foundations for our success. I know before my diet I spent years getting ready, this time I want to move a bit faster!

So I keep reminding myself about the rewards of taking this on and what can happen if I let things go. I need to turn up the heat under my motivation here and focus. This time there's no book, no website, no well trod path like there is for weight loss, I have to work it out for myself and stop nibbling or I will end up carrying round that suitcase again.

Yet again, success relies on knowing who we are and what makes us tick. Food for thought indeed......

Take care

Sue

Learning About Running: The Magic of Jelly Babies!

All week I'd been psyching myself for a long run. I hate waste and one thing that really gets me motivated is the thought that I might waste all the work I've put in over the last year to get up to half marathon distance. Plus, if I am serious about a marathon next year, I won't have time to start from scratch and I've got a lot to learn about how to fuel myself on a longer run, and I want to get started.

Ali was off being a parking attendant for the Topper Nationals for most of the day, the weather was set fair, so I blitzed the housework and then started getting ready. I applied plasters to potential sore bits. Got water, Jelly Babies and a gel. Then as I headed out - trouble - terminal sportsbra failure.  Both hooks finally gave up the ghost.  Thank goodness I'd the spare one at home. I got changed and just as I was heading out the door again, I felt an ominous ping - a hook on the replacement bra had gone.   

I was one hook away from not being able to run, and me and the sportsbra were beginning to show the strain already.  Should I take this as a warning not to run? Maybe, but I was all fired up and ready to go. So, out with the pliers, hammer, sewing kit and scissors (the sports bra is indeed a miracle of engineering). After a very tense half an hour I'd managed to strap myself in, I'd worry about getting out later.  I was still on for a great run, despite the hiccups!

For some reason I decided to run out to Yellowcraigs along the John Muir Way rather than the beach. I soon realised this was not a good idea. The path had got overgrown since early June and soon I was covered in scratches and nettle stings. But hey, nothing serious, the endorphins took care of it. I went onto the beach, hit the wind and realised I'd made another stupid error - I'd worn short socks and the sand was starting to rub. Up the dunes, hit the nettles again and also took a few wrong paths that were dead ends. My run was turning into a farce. For some reason I was getting it all wrong. Maybe I should have stayed at home and done the ironing (not really!).

By the time I got back to North Berwick things began to get better.  It was lovely running along the beach, jumping puddles and watching the little Toppers.  I ran where I could get great views of the sea and avoiding the crowds, I just wanted to keep running in the glorious sunshine.

I stopped at the view point, finished off the water and ate my first Jelly Baby. My luck changed. As the sugar hit me, I decided not to head home just yet but to do a lap of the park. The Jelly Babies had worked their magic and my legs had energy again. I ate a couple more as I ran and I reckon got at least 3 more miles out of my legs and it would have been more if I'd kept my distances up and not got sand in my socks!

I ended up doing 11 miles, my longest run for several months. It was quite a bit slower than my usual pace, but I can work on that in the gym.  My legs were very red and blotchy but my spirits were high and I really feel I've taken another step on the runners learning curve.

Next time I go out, I will check I am properly sock-ed - not just for avoiding blisters but the right sock for the terrain.  I'll have a spare kit at all times, especially a spare sports bra and I will start experimenting with Jelly Babies.

I made so many wrong decisions yesterday it's ridiculous, but the decision I made to get out there and run was definitely the right one. Despite the niggles and nips, I had a great time and I've learnt a lot of things I really need to know.  I'm planning the next run already.......

Hope you've had a good week and that the week ahead is a good one.

Cheers

Sue

Mojo Failure? How to keep on keeping on

I'm just back from a run, my first in 2 weeks and I'm feeling good.  It was a real achievement and has got me back on my feet after what can only be described as a failure of mojo. I didn't run very far or very fast, but I got myself into my trainers and out the door and I ran more or less non stop for an hour.

'So what?' you cry. 'Aren't you the woman who ran a half marathon? Aren't you the one who says we can do anything if we set our minds to it?'    Yes, I am, but did you know that I ran with a blister! Ha! you didn't think I was that tough did you? Well I am, and I survived, and I might even do it again. But I am the woman who was nearly floored by a very tiny (but immensely sore!) blister.

I got this blister after a moment (well half an hour) of stupidity on holiday when I went for a run without socks. I was too lazy to go and get my socks and it was only a short run, but after 30 minutes I got a blister. Not a big blister, but one of those really stingy ones on my heel that nips like mad. Now I really hate having sore feet, comfy happy feet matter to me. Sensible Sue took care of it, wore plasters and socks, went to spinning and pilates to try and get it better quicker. After all, there's no point in making it worse for no reason.

But it was taking ages to get better and also niggling away at me was a feeling that I was being a weedy wet. A proper runner, a committed runner would not be put off by a tiny blister, I know this, I've seen the pictures. Tackling pain, running through pain, mental toughness are all part of running.  As I sat and pondered my blister, Marko (the amazing @runner786) was on his way to run across the Gobi Desert to raise money for MS (read all about it and sponsor him on http://www.runner786.com/ ).

Marko is a totally inspirational athlete, who keeps going through levels of pain and discomfort that most of us would never contemplate, he is totally determined.  And there was me sitting at home, not running because of my tiny blister. I felt ashamed and weak and pathetic.

I slept on it and woke up to a magnificently sunny morning and a 'tweet' from Za, another runner, who's been cheering me up. I began to look for ways I could run. Maybe I could try barefoot running on the beach. My mindset shifted from can't to can.  I put on my lycra and immediately I began to feel like a runner again and I started to perk up. 

Next I began to find out how 'proper runners' dealt with blisters, they obviously don't just ignore them if they have a long way to go or a big race ahead, so what did the experts do? A quick google told me how to protect my blister from further damage, so I plastered myself up and donned the trainers (and my best Sweaty Betty running socks, I won't make that mistake again!). After walking  round the house with not even a twinge, I decided to hit the beach.

The run went fine. No pain at all and I knew I wasn't making the blister worse. I had found a way through my impasse and marked another milestone. Running is always a great time to think so I pondered the blister.  Some of the block was about me, I am a bit self protective and I don't like pain, I know it means something's not right. But that doesn't have to stop me completely and what got me through was the support and encouragement of others who understand and their experience and knowledge of how to deal with it. I'm still learning, I need all the encouragement and learning I can get.

The other thing that this reminded me was that everyone has been a learner at some time. Even Marko had to start somewhere and learn. Some get coached by experts who know all about blisters and mojo, the rest of us learn from others. I need to learn too and now that I know how to handle blisters safely, I won't hesitate to run with a blister. As importantly, I'm going to make sure I take blisters more seriously in future and ramp up my blister prevention strategy and stock my medicine tin with moleskin plasters. I am good at learning!

I finish the day with my mojo back and feeling pretty perky and not just from the endorphins!  I must remember that this lesson isn't just about running, it's about other challenges.  I'm always learning and when I hit a problem or block, someone will have found a way of dealing with it one way or another, I just have to ask. 

I also finish the day with a lovely warm feeling about people who encourage and support us, who inspire us, who help us achieve our dreams, who share their wisdom and experience.  Other people helped me lose weight and keep it off (just!), runners inspired me to run and push myself. So, a big thank you to everyone who's helped me through and a promise that I will try and give at least much help back. None of us does this alone.

Right, it's the weekend! We have a rare treat tonight - a night out. We're meeting my friend Jill and her husband at the Rocks in Dunbar.  I'll do a blog about Jill sometime, she changed my life too.

Have a good one and take care!

Sue

Who ate all the pasties? Or how not to stay slim on holidays and survive....

I love holidays. Holidays are a real highspot of my year. Best of all I get to spend most, if not all of my time with Ali, my most favourite human being in the whole world. It says a lot about our lives that many of us spend the least time with the people we love most.  Next I love the freedom of holidays - being able to do what I want when I want, no longer subject to the tyranny of the diary or the blackberry. 

On holiday I have the freedom to walk when the sun shines and lie in bed when it rains. I can get up when I want,  go to bed when I want. I don't have to worry about being too tired to stay awake through that meeting or writing that report. I am the mistress of my own destiny for those few precious days each year and life can be just how I want it.

Luckily we're simple souls, easily pleased. Bliss for Ali and me is walking near the sea, being outside as much as possible, ideally in warm and sunny weather (tho that's a bit of a luxury in the UK I know) with good food and quality sleep.  Like last year,  we headed south, this time by train, and rented cottages for two weeks in Cornwall and Devon.

We had a fantastic two weeks, blessed by warm and dry weather (including more sun than we'd expected) and we were out and about all day every day. We spent most of our time hiking along beautiful, rugged coastal paths.  We did marvellous walks (holiday blog special to follow) and visited lots of interesting and beautiful places.

One of the joys of travel for me is getting a taste of a place,  literally and metaphorically. How can you get to know and understand somewhere if you don't try their food? Cornwall and Devon are fantastic for quality local food and great cooking and baking. We were delighted by the diversity and freshness of the local fish and veg. Everywhere we went had some local treat to be tried. Fresh air, exercise, lovely healthy fresh good food, nom nom!

But not all local delicacies make good staple diet material, and we were in dangerous territory in counties that major on dairy. I resisted the clotted cream teas easily, but not the ice cream.  Ice cream is my downfall, I love it and I love to try different ones and compare them. As a purist, I rarely eat anything but vanilla. I ate ice cream in Zennor, Salcombe, St Ives, Padstow and beyond.  

I am also partial to cake and we ate far too many delicious home made scones and cakes and drank too many glasses of wine (Ali sampled local beers as befits his having a beard). We ate a sinful amount of new Cornish potatoes and hand cut perfectly cooked chips.  Twice I had the local cheese plate, and reader, I cleaned those plates.

So we were a little bit indulgent and I have returned 5lbs heavier than when I left two weeks ago. I know our coastal walks were the equivalent of several hours on the step machine (at least!) and we walked everyday for long periods, and of course muscle weighs more than fat.... but I have put on weight and I need to lose it -  those work clothes are going to be a tight fit. Oh B*gg*r!  It's the same old thing - how to get the balance right.


Last year's holiday was similar, if less strenuous, but I came back more or less the same weight I started out at. What was different this year? Well, this year we ate out more, every night except twice, and it is hard to control calories (and greed!) when you eat out, even if you do stick to the rules (ho, ho!). I ate chips -  a lot. I ate at least some cake every day, we had no 'normal' days this year, every day had some treat in it.

Of course Devon and Cornwall are quite foodie. West Sussex had good food, but great food is a big thing in Cornwall and Devon, with a focus on fresh, healthy and local.  Most of the food we ate was grown and made in beautiful places with clean air, and somehow that gets into the food. Much of what we ate had a strong and unique local identity, food was part of the places we walked through; and was often grown, caught, prepared and served by people we met.  This meant we did eat well and maybe a little more unwisely than we should.

But I didn't lose my self control completely; even though we ate more this year, we did not relapse into the old ways.  Because we were self catering there were no tempting cooked breakfasts that used to be the staple fare of our holidays (one scrambled egg and smoked salmon does not count). We could indulge our love of healthy fruity breakfasts and control what we ate better when we did it ourselves.

We shared a cake rather than have one each.  We drank a glass or two of wine, rather than glugging a bottle and didn't pig out on crisps and peanuts. We ate some big meals, but only twice, we didn't want big rich dinners or a pudding every night. Small but significant victories!

The biggest difference this year is what's in my head.  Last Summer I  was reaching the end of my weight loss programme and still losing weight. I was very much in diet mode as I struggled to lose the few final pounds. I was totally focussed and quite disciplined, even though I did allow myself to relax on the holiday, I kept control. This year I am trying to live normally, to maintain a healthy weight, but at the same time avoiding slipping back into bad habits. But I did let go a bit and as a result piled on the beef.

But as I sat on the train home and reflected on the holiday,  I don't regret any of the good food I ate. Surely it can't be right to leave Cornwall and Devon without sampling their superb cheeses and I will never regret having tasted the magnificent Moomaid ice cream from Zennor or the amazing meal we had at the Gurnards Head Hotel, two fields away from our Cornish cottage. The food we ate is as much a part of the holiday as the Lost Gardens of Heligan and  the herons on the River Dart boat trip.  The fresh ham baguette and shared scone at Olives's cafe in St Ives after the amazing cliff walk from Tween. The plaice in the Cricket Inn in Beesands after we walked from Torcross to Lannacome Bay and back.

Life is full of choices, but I want to have my cake and eat it, at least for those holiday weeks when I can be a bit more free and a bit less disciplined. My choice is to enjoy the taste of places, along with the sights and smells and experiences of being there. I want to indulge myself a bit on holiday, do things I enjoy, things I don't usually do, let go a bit. That includes eating differently.  A big part of me getting very fat was my 'out of control' holiday eating that I never compensated for. Each year I put on those extra holiday pounds and never shifted them, they stayed put.  I'm happy that my weight fluctuates, but it can't keep going up (or down), that's what I need to watch - the slow but steady upward drift.  Yes, it's the old refrain.

Now the holiday is over I have to get my weight back down again. Last year when my holiday ended, I immediately went back to losing weight mode - I'd started that diet so I was going to finish it, and I did. I barely missed a beat when I got home and I was soon at my target weight. This morning, I was straight back into my weight loss eating pattern and I will stay in it until I am back at my target weight. Already I can feel the benefit and it feels good. Somehow because I've put on so much I feel better about dieting, I can't pretend those extra pounds will just go on their own, the risk of getting very fat again seems quite real. I can feel that old determination to take control of this coming back and the food diary is back out. My fruit bowl is full.


So whatever you do for your holidays, make sure you savour the moments, they are precious days. Holidays are supposed to be special and different to normal, so make the most of them!

Cheers

Sue