No Regrets: Walking Barcelona

Well, I'm packing for a trip to Spain planned in the cold nights of November last year when I was full of hope and excitement at the thought of running my first marathon. But as you all know, things didn't quite work out that way. The Barcelona Marathon is almost here, but I won't be running it, I'll be watching and cheering others on.

I'm a bit sad.  I have a niggling feeling that I've missed my chance and may never run a marathon. Maybe I should have pushed through the injury and gone for it and worried about the damage afterwards. But, it's only a niggle, like a twinge that comes up a third of the way into a long run and then just pops gently like a bubble and is gone. It's not the deep sadness of regret or the pain of loss of hope or the agony of never being able to run again. No it's more a 'well it wasn't meant to be, this was not my time' sort of feeling - and life is full of those isn't it?

As I did my run round North Berwick this morning, I didn't feel sad. I felt happy - no more than that, I felt joyful. It was one of those runs where you know you're the luckiest person in the entire world.  The weather was sunny and warm, the tide was out, the mist drawing off the Bass Rock. I headed off with Chi running on the i pod, my metronome ticking away at 180bpm and Nick's feedback in mind. Everything was in good working order.

I did one of my favourite runs, up to Yellow Craigs beach and back. It's a nice mix of track and beach with the most fantastic views. I did just under 7 miles in total, with a 15 minute form session in the middle where I ran up and down the beach and worked on my footprints.  Given I'd run a couple of miles, I was really pleased with my form. Even in shoes, my footprints were so much lighter and more even than they were two weeks ago, though I can see clearly (even with my shoes on) that I need to sort my right big toe and I still have a way to go to be light! Here's a snap of my footprints next to another runner's - quite a difference. Mine originally were deeper than theirs with a much clearer heel strike. You can see where their toes grip the sand.

I was out for about an hour and a quarter in total and was pleasantly surprised by my pace and distance. I wanted to run longer but I am mindful of the need not to push my luck. I am very disciplined when it comes to doing something and going beyond the call etc, but I am rubbish at not doing things.  They say that self discipline is like a muscle, the more you use it the stronger it gets, so I gave myself another dose by walking up the hills - even though I was in full view of two local runners and was sorely tempted to look good. The internal dialogue was a bit frenzied as my inner coach gave me quite a talking to, but I did walk; I have to learn to value the discipline of not acting - does that make sense?

I got home feeling good. My quads were fresh, my calves were totally unruffled. My big toe and soleus were the bits I felt most. When I was hobbling, they really took the strain and I need to get them sorted. I suspect they're compensating for something and my money's on a too tight hamstring which I really noticed in yoga last week. I might try a podiatrist, never been to one of those.

So, I'm heading south. My suitcase is lycra free (well almost!); no garmin, running shoes, gels. Just sandals and suncream and guidebooks. I will I think shed a tear when the runners head off on Sunday, but I know that when my time comes, I will do those 26.2 miles as a much stronger and safer runner.

Whether you're running, racing, supporting, watching, be safe and be well.

Take care

Suex

Barefoot on the beach

What a totally beautiful time of year this is, a time when things are new and life is opening up into longer, warmer days. Being outside gets to be a real pleasure for me. I know us runners are supposed to revel in bad weather and endurance, but I have a south american soul which loves warmth, brightness and sunlight. Spring has finally arrived north of the border and it feels great.

This is perfect timing as I'm having my very own running spring just now. After the cold dark winter of my injury, I am bursting forth into the sun and starting to run again. Like a daffodil, the flower of my new running is emerging into the daylight, drawing on what I've built up during my hibernation. (enough of the flowers already - Ed).

Since my Chi Running session last week with Nick; things have really started shifting.  At first nothing much happened, but I gradually noticed my attention shifting towards the need to get things into balance.  Everywhere I went I've been having conversations about how we all pay most attention to the things we think matter most, so it's important to get that focus right.  I'd focussed on speed and getting things done, that needs to change, I need to focus on getting balance in my life if I'm going to keep all those plates up in the air.

Another good reason and trigger for reflection is that I'm having (yet another) transition period as I shift jobs, Mum's needs ratchet up a notch and my marathon plan bites the dust. I feel very squeezed and time-poor, which I guess like most of us, I am. But of course this is just the time to make other changes and adjustments and that's what I've been doing.

Over the last week, I have made some important changes. First, I've pulled out of all my planned races this year. My running goals and drive have to come from within me, not set by my ambitious head driving me on to do it and do it now.  That's what got me injured and I will be injured again sooner or later if I let me head control my running.  

Second, I am going to train for a marathon and that is going to be the goal of my running recovery. In the last year, I've done a sub 2 hour half marathon, a sub 25 5k and a sub 60m 10k. I could shave a few minutes off these and go for personal bests, but I still want that marathon.  I don't know where, I don't know when, but I am going to run a marathon to the best of my ability at just the right time and that is next on my running to do list. Doing that marathon and doing it in good form, good time and with a big smile is going to be my one and only running focus. 

I now have a clear goal, one that I can actually live with, and my weekly training regime is taking shape. The focus is on getting a balanced fitness regime that will give me what I want from exercise and enable me to focus my running on improving my form. 

• Spin to get the cardio and all that jazz working well (and to satiate my need to work to the max to very loud music!); 
• Yoga and Pilates to keep me in touch with my body and how it's working and keep those muscles, joints, sinews and tendons in good shape; 
• Barefoot beach running to improve and build my running technique 
• 'Long Run' where I try and maintain my form over longer distances/times (and learn to run without an i pod and get to run round East Lothian!)

I like the balance and the mix, I need variety and to be frank running safely will not satisfy me. Spin, not running, will give me speed and a serious quad and cardio workout.  Yoga and Pilates will help me keep track of how my body is handling things and how well balanced I am physically. Allocating time to form and time will help me balance the running. The date and time of my marathon will become clear. My speed will increase as I learn to run safely. I will race when I am ready. All will happen in due course as my running self gets ready and in the meantime I have taken the pressure off. 

There's a lovely story in Chi Running about focus.  The way that cats pick their prey and focus their whole attention on it. Their eyes fix on the target, behind them, their heads, their body, their movement, everything follows the focus of their eyes on the goal, the thing they want more than anything. In this case dinner!  That marathon is my goal and my journey will be to get my attention, body, movement focussed on getting there.

When I started my marathon training just before Christmas, I said I wanted to run a marathon but not at the cost of other things in my life. I should have added nor at the cost to my health and well being. It's so easy to forget to add yourself to the list of things to care about isn't it? Well I'm on the list now.

So, here's my sessions this week. Gym and swim; spin class; 45 minute 'long' run; yoga; 3mile beach walk and 30 minutes beach form training. 1 rest day. 

Wherever you are, whatever your goals, good luck in reaching them. But even more importantly, may you find reward and happiness on the way.

Take care

Suex

Runner Reborn - Barefoot Chi Running

It's not every day that you get the chance to start again, but every now and again something happens; that wee window opens and there it is, a life changing opportunity sitting there right in front of your eyes, waving. I've got one  in front of me right now as I contemplate my running future and what I want to do.

I had an amazing day in the company of Nick Constantine, @soulsinmotion to Twitter folk. Nick is  a Chi Running and Walking instructor as well an Iyengar yoga person and he was my coach for the day.  I've been mentored, but never been coached or had a personal trainer (unless you count being yelled at whilst learning to swim a breadth at primary school) but I'd read Chi Running; tried it in practice and knew that to get it right I needed some face to face coaching.  I was right and Nick was perfect for me.

Nick started off by running me through the basics, getting my head into the right place and then off to the beach.  First Nick assessed my current running form. Now I thought I had quite good form, guess we all do! But in the critical gaze of Nick's IPad, I saw a slow loper with her bum sticking out, her feet dragging and her head down.  I really hadn't tried to be perfect, but I'd been quietly confident I'd get a good mark.  My footprints on the sand were a testament to a runner heavy on her feet, who pushes off quite hard. Nick was several stone heavier than me and a heck of a lot taller, but my footprints were much much deeper than his, and that told the story.

Faced with the evidence and with Nick explaining to me what I was doing, we set about getting me re-programmed. I decided to go barefoot and I am so glad I did. I love to walk barefoot on the sand and I am an olympic level paddler, but I hadn't run barefoot on sand since I was a child.  There was something about my feet hitting the sand that helped me take it in and focus on my feet and what they do when I run.  Gradually I began to learn how to get my posture right; how to just start running without pushing off hard like a sprinter. I saw how my asymmetry affected my running and gave me a lazy side I need to tackle.

I began to understand how the way I ran was putting a lot of strain on my legs and lower back. No wonder I got injured as I began to test myself with marathon training at an age when things are losing a bit of their youthful elasticity!  Marathon training is pretty good for finding out your weak spots, but if you don't know what they are, you can't handle them.

As we chatted over a lunchtime bowl of soup at the Scottish Seabird Centre, I asked loads of daft questions, and Nick helped me make sense of my experiences that morning, including that how I run is very much like how I live my life - too much, too quick, too big a rush, always looking and planning one step ahead. Yup, that's me, even if it's largely imposed on me at the moment. I saw my video and looked at some other folk before and after chi training. I saw hunched up bouncy people becoming relaxed smooth movers. Was I going to be able to do that too? I so wanted to be one of those chi runners, they looked so good.

I was eager to get back out and learn some more so I could be a Chi runner and be one now! The tide was in so we headed off to the grass bank, but I kept my shoes off. Now for some more running practice. Nick likened it to swimming lengths and how swimmers practice by getting their form right by doing it over and over.  He also taught me I have an 'edge',  a point up to which I can hold my form, and over which things go belly up. I need to focus on extending my edge, not speed, not my distance, not racing, but extending how long and how fast I can hold my form. That tapped nicely into my Pilates head and made a lot of sense.

I learnt a lot of amazing, transformational things that afternoon. My favourite was the importance of running at a fast cadence - 175-185 steps per foot per minute. Running at round 180 reduced my overstrike, helped me lift my feet and helped me keep light. It felt effortless, in the zone; I lost that slow draggy feeling I get when I have to run slowly. It also satisfied my need for speed but without the damage that I'd been doing. One of my big problem areas is my shoulders and the need to keep my arms and hands relaxed - I really hunch up, I need to run tall. I am going to have to focus on the basics for quite a while before I start to go up the gears a bit, I am going to have to take this seriously.

At the end of a great day over a much deserved cup of tea, I felt enthused and inspired as Nick summed up what I'd achieved, what I'd learnt and what I had still to do. This is a way of running that feels great, that has pace, that will challenge me lots and will help me run forever. I know this is what I want to do. My biggest challenge though is going to be me and the way my mind works. Next morning the video, technique tips and notes arrived and I'll be sending Nick a video or two of my progress to get feedback over the next 6 months.

I've got a decision. I could just pick up where I left off and try to get back to running normally integrating  Chi techniques. I could build distance and then work up the speed, do my marathon, and hope that the Chi stuff has stuck. But what a wasted opportunity and somehow that doesn't feel like the right thing to do. I have a very strong sense that my injury demands that I start to do something different about my running if I want to run long and strong for the years ahead.

If I am going to commit to running better, I am going to have to give up, at least for now, a focus on a marathon and focus simply on how long I can hold my form for. That is going to mean heading to the beach when I can and practicing barefoot. It probably mean pulling out of the Edinburgh half in April and not running a marathon this year.

I have to say I am a bit torn, surely I could just do the marathon and then sort my form out?  Well I might get away with it, but I probably wouldn't, and if I am honest, I know that.  I know what I need to do. Have I got the mental discipline to do it? I hope so. I really really hope so.

So thank you Nick for helping me get onto the right path for my running journey, helping me set my goals and how I might get there. I'm looking forward to your next video of me showing a relaxed and confident Chi runner!

Lots of halves, 20 milers and great running this week our there in the Twittersphere. Whatever you're up to, be great, run strong!

Take care

suex

The real truth about exercise

I've been harrumphing and chuntering most of this week about a tv programme -  The Truth About Exercise . A few of my fellow Tweeters have been tweeting about it too. According to some guy on the BBC we do more exercise than we need to, or rather some of us do. Apparently the truth is we only need to do 3 minutes of high intensity training a week for four weeks to 'deliver many of the health and fitness benefits of hours of conventional exercise'.  This requires 3 bursts of 20 seconds flat out on the exercise bike. It seems to work because it uses 80% of muscle tissue compared with the 20-40% used in 'walking or most moderate exercise'. That makes the awesome Eugene Bolt look sloooow. It has made some of us the object of scorn and mockery from the couch dwellers in our lives.

I'm delighted that these 12 minutes a month improve insulin sensitivity (when this doesn't work you become diabetic); and increase aerobic fitness (how good your heart and lungs are at getting oxygen into your body and an excellent predictor of future health).  It's great news and useful to know, but it's not the truth about exercise by any stretch of the imagination.

What do you do if you've not got a handy exercise bike, can't afford the gym or are unable or not interested in that kind of activity?  I couldn't do that bike thing at the moment due to my poorly calf, and I'm well versed on the old spin bike, so what would I do?  The other thing that bugged me was that he  focussed on those 30 seconds so much it reduced the impact of other important messages.  For example, a good walk can reduce the amount of fat circulating in your blood.

But never mind the 30 seconds, for me the most important truth is that the most important thing you can do to increase your chances of living a happy and healthy life is to move. If you want to lose weight, get an Olympic medal or get killer abs, you've a lot more than that to do of course, but the real issue isn't how much or what exercise you do, it's how long you spend sitting down.  You can't get away with an hour in the gym when you sit down all day and all night. The truth is, sitting down too much is what does you in.

Regardless of our prowess on the gym bike, most of us are fortunate enough to be able to move to some extent. Just keeping moving sounds a lot more achievable than 30 seconds going bonkers on that bike; we can all move within our capabilities (as my Mum would say!).

And what about the gazillions of benefits we get from exercise - the sense of achievement and mastery, the growing confidence in what we can do if we challenge ourselves and go for it? What about the sheer joy of being outside in the fresh air, enjoying being on a beautiful planet? What about the people who inspire us, the wonderful friendships and relationships we build - in the real and the virtual worlds?  How many of us have run, swam, cycled, walked our way through really hard times; solved problems; regained our strength and courage though exercise and come home rejuvenated? Health is about the whole person not just a couple of biological indicators. 30 seconds on a bike in a suit is does not cut the mustard.

That's the real truth about exercise.

Now I'm pretty sure that programme wasn't aimed at people like me and you who love to move about -  well most of the time! And I'm a natural fidget which means I can't sit still for long anyway. Plus, I don't really talk about exercise, I run, I walk, I go to the gym, I do spin, I don't really do exercise. But I love to move. But  I think what annoys me most of all and why I feel cheated and angry is that an opportunity was lost to focus us all on one of the most significant problems of a culture and lifestyles where too many folk sit down for far too much of their time and it's not good for us.  I take it personally. Parkinson's robbed my Dad of much of his movement and his choice to move of his own free will. He'd always been active and tended to fall asleep if stationery for more than a few minutes. I don't take any of it for granted. 30 seconds - pah!

I feel better for that rant - sorry about that! It felt good though to remind myself that I run, walk, cycle, swim, dance, stretch and all the rest of it because I am lucky and because it's part of being alive. One day I may have to sit down and not have the choice, until then, I'm going to keep moving!

Hope you have all had a good week, I managed a 40 minute beach run and a 50 min road run, a yoga session, a sports massage and a 4 mile walk/trot when I got lost in Giffnock (what a nice place!) and was late for my meeting.

Take good care and keep moving!

Suex

tortoise tales

I've done two runs this week.  The first on Tuesday night was 15 minutes in my invisibility cloak - Vampire Runners of the world unite! I was a bit self conscious running for such a short time and so slowly, so the cover of darkness was much appreciated.

But Friday morning was very different. I headed out in my Ron Hill brightest pink for a nice and comfy 30 minutes along the beach. I did just over 2.5 miles, running into the wind. It felt so good to run. It didn't matter that it was slow, that running into the wind made me breathless or that I had to slow right down every time I got that warning twinge. I just enjoyed being able to run again along North Berwick beach with the sun in my face and the sound of the sea. Bliss.

It was about 7 am so a few folk were out, but this time I didn't worry what they thought about me. I ran with my head up and my sunglasses off, saying good morning to everyone I saw. Nothing mattered but being able to run again. It was joyful.

This is what running is about and just where I need to be if I am ever going to run to my full potential - back in touch with my natural runner and the joy of running and it feels good.

When I started off on that first trot round the block, almost 2 years ago, I just wanted to run. As I ran I began to believe I could do more, I wanted to push myself for a half marathon and then 10ks. Next I set my hat at the dreamed of marathon. As I focussed on the marathon, I tried to do too much too soon and more importantly, I lost touch with my inner runner. I stopped doing what had worked for me in the past, I stopped trusting my own knowledge of how I run and how I need to train and I got wrapped up in a training schedule that didn't fit. And it got me, hard enough to make me pay serious attention but early enough to give me a real chance of starting again.

Funny how things work out. My running goal immediately before "the injury" (said in a 'voice of doom' kind of way) was to stop running fast. I was running way too fast for marathon training where my first goal was to acclimatise to a much longer distance.

I kept saying I needed to slow down, but I just wasn't disciplined enough to do it.  Of course fate intervened and now I am indeed running slow, super slow.  I am now totally focussed on how long I run and then building speed. I am back into using cross training and of course I have my ever faithful friend - Pilates - to get me through.

It was my natural inner runner that helped me when I started, and I had a training approach that really worked for my physically and mentally.  Starting to train for a marathon, I lost faith in my ability and just looked for some expert to tell me what to do. In the process I stopped doing what worked for me. I should have built on what worked rather than knock it down and starting with something new and untested.

That Friday run, me and my inner Sue were reunited.  I think I'm beginning to accept that I'm the expert in my own running and my training, I have to do this my way. I can take tips and hints from the experts and people with experience, be bonkers not to, but nobody knows me like I know myself.  To make this work, I have to be in control and I have to make this work.

When something is awful we often say we've had a learning experience, and there's something else I've learnt by paying attention. I am not a tortoise. Well I am a total tortoise if you compare me to other people and I have the build of a tortoise, but in my running world (and indeed life in general), I am too fast. I charge off at pace and make it up as I go along. I have a problem with speed.  That means my marathon challenge is focussing on distance and a lot of it.

I've been looking at marathons and wondering about Palma in the autumn or should I wait and smash Barcelona next year? My head says Palma - after all I did say I was going to do a marathon this year and it makes the most of the time before winter. But my heart and my head say Barcelona..... Or should I just do LochNess, which doesn't really excite me, but would be cheaper.  I think I'll get a bit further on my recovery before doing anything.

Training stats this week - 45 minutes running; 45 minutes on the gym bike; 2 yoga and 1 Pilates session. I was really pleased with this, and then I did too much walking on Saturday afternoon after a morning at the gym and the day after my 'long run' and I ache. I got close to overdoing it and rushing my recovery.  More slowing down needed, it's not just how fast I run that I need to slow down on and I have no excuses this time.

I hope all your challenges, runs, walks, cycles and swims are great this week!

Take care

Suex

Being Tigger

I've always loved Tigger and I have my moments when I'm bouncy, bouncy, bouncy, bouncy, fun, fun, fun, fun fun!   Tigger bounces back and I've had to do that a few times, including now.  It's been a slog but my inner Tigger is bursting through and it feels good.

The grown up version of Tigger is being resilient - a word that's  cropping up everywhere I look at the moment. This usually tells me there's something I need to pay attention to, so I decided to have a little ponder.

I like a bit of definition as you know, so here's what the dictionary says about resilience:

1 the ability of a substance or object to spring back into shape; elasticity: nylon is excellent in wearability and resilience.2 the capacity to recover quickly from difficulties; toughness: the oftenremarkable resilience of so many British institutions.

Now doesn't that just say it all! You can't get very far in life without resilience.

I remember very clearly the first time the word 'resilience' made me stop and think. About five years ago  I was struggling badly to cope with everything and felt very close to the edge. Mum and Dad needed more and more care and I was travelling up and down to Leeds to sort out food, medication, the care system. We were trying to get them moved to live near us which Mum really didn't want to do and with a major recession about to start. We were negotiating the care system on both sides of the Border for Dad and buying and selling houses to get us all to North Berwick (we bought and sold 7 in total). At the same time I had to change jobs and my back packed in so I'd lower back pain and couldn't exercise my stress away. This was when I was getting really, really fat. It was a really hard time on every level.

The crunch came in my annual appraisal, something that I find incredibly stressful at the best of times. It was booked for the afternoon of my first  regular mammogram screening and by the time I got to my desk I was a bit tired and emotional. We got started and for once instead of just ignoring what I'd been through (largely because I was about to cry!) I told my boss and said I wasn't sure it was the best time. He agreed and said just in passing as I left the room, 'you're very resilient Sue'.

At the time I wasn't sure if being resilient was good or bad - there must be something wrong with me if I needed to be resilient, surely I should just cope and not make a meal of it. Don't people just get on with it and not make a fuss? They certainly don't want to cry at work or tell their boss just as they're about to have their appraisal. Anyway I just got on with it. Things got much better, life went on, everything got sorted.

I realised as I thought about it, that I'm being resilient again. The clue was wanting to cry at inappropriate moments and bursting into tears over a tv programme.  Things have stacked up again. The calf injury (you know all about that), having to change jobs again; Mum's care needs going up a major notch and I'm struggling to cope with all the demands on my time and my emotions. Yet again, when I need it most, I can't run,  so those stress chemicals are washing round my system. I don't know the science but I am sure that I want to cry to wash them out. Much better to sweat them away.

Anyway, I've decided I'm not going to cope, I am going to be resilient, in fact I'm going to do more than that, I'm going to bounce back.  I'm reconnecting with my inner Tigger. Tigger doesn't just cope, he bounces through life with zest, fun and with his chums.

I've got lots to make me bounce like Tigger.  I have family and friends (real and virtual!) who are wonderfully caring and supportive; Mum may not always know who I am but she loves me anyway and appreciates everything we do for her and this won't last forever.  I have my health and my passion for life, I live in a lovely place, I have a job I love and I will run again.  I am indeed rich and blessed in all the things that really matter and that make life sweet.

It's a cliche to say you should count your blessings, and that's a very Tigger thing to do. Well maybe Tigger doesn't count blessings, he just enjoys them.  It's blessings large and small that get us through the bad times as well as making the good times great.  And of course if you're not feeling bouncy today, there's always that other saying - that which does not kill me makes me stronger! Good times, bad times, they all change.

A quick running update. I got a major bounce from a 10 minute run in the sunshine yesterday. All kitted up, with garmin, yes I know it's daft but it was an important statement. All I need to do now is run a few more of those joined up and I'm laughing. What's great is my leg feels better for running, so my confidence is growing too.  I can now walk downstairs and run for the bus. And I am starting to think a marathon this year might be possible after all..... Now isn't that a Tigger-type thought!

Thank you to all of you who help me bounce!  Take care everyone, keep bouncing!

Suex

I Ran. #thatisall

Well finally, here it is,  the blog I've been dying to write for 6 weeks 6 days and 16 hours.

I  RAN!

A massive thank you to all my running and non running chums who have kept me going over the last few weeks. I hope I never ever have to return the favour.

It was short - 6.21 minutes of walking and running, but boy was it sweet. Pam the physio got me all sorted and we went for a trot by the beach.

Like learning to walk, those first running steps were amazing, dizzy, emotional. This was a run I have appreciated more than any other I've done, and I will remember I think forever.

It felt very strange at first, like my body didn't know what to do. My feet were flat, my legs were stiff and I was very very unsure it would work.  But then everything started moving and I knew it was going to be okay. What was brilliant that I had a little try at Chi running and .... it works! I've been thinking about it and listening to it for a few weeks and even though only had a little go, I could feel the difference.

I am going to enjoy the return to running. I am going to savour the gradual build up like drinking a very fine wine or a gourmet meal.  Every step, every second is going to be experienced and enjoyed. I will be slow and focussed and strong. I will remember how lucky I am to be able to do it.

I have as long as I want to do build up the speed and distance and that feels good. I am so glad I'm not rushing to do a marathon. My calf muscle will be my guide back to my running form and I will forever remember it when I run. I plan to check in regularly and see how me and that calf muscle are doing.  I will think of a name for it. Rowena suggested a tattoo, I think it might be a mental one!

For now I just want to run forever and never ever be injured again. I don't care if I run a marathon. I am a grateful humble runner. If I can stay like this I will be fine.

The wait is over. I ran. I run.  I am.

Take care, run safe.

Suex