In Recovery - Ready to run .....

A word that's been very much part of my life over the last few weeks is recovery, specifically recovering to run.  For some folk, they get injured, they get better and that's it. But for many of us it's a more complex and less certain process. And it's hard.

Here's what the dictionary says:

Recovery:  a return to a normal state of health, mind, or strength.  The action or process of regaining possession or control of something stolen or lost. Also  recovery shot - golf stroke bringing the ball from the rough or from a hazard back onto the fairway or the green. Football an act of taking possession of a fumbled ball. In rowing, cycling, or swimming, the action of returning the paddle, leg, or arm to its initial position ready to make a new stroke.


There's lots of good stuff in here that inspires me and captures the recovery process for me. Of course it's all about getting back to normal, but I like the idea of taking back control, regaining strength. I like also that it's physical and mental, that recovery is an end and a beginning.  


The definition sounds so positive and active and I need to be more positive about recovery; about my eventual return to running. I need to focus on getting ready to run.


A huge part of my recovery is about regaining confidence. When I first get an injury I am very cautious and self protective. I'm a catastrophic thinker - something happens and I immediately extrapolate the graph to the end of the world. It's a well know psychological problem you'll be glad to know.  So I worry terribly that the injury is going to get worse. I worry that some small movement, slip, accident, knock, will send me hurtling down that ladder; straight to jail, no passing go and it will be really serious this time. I was listening to Desert Island disks where an ex ballet dancer spoke about her ballet injury and how she needed someone she trusted to hold her hand and encourage her to dare to tackle the move that injured her. The confidence to take that risk was a critical part of her recovery. 


So this week, having found the positive things about not running, i.e. enjoying the here and now; I've been focussing on the future; on taking back control and getting a positive running-focussed mindset.  


My strategy is to start off with some easy risk free actions and move up from there SLOWLY - no frightening the horses. Here's what I've done since I last blogged:

• Deleted my old training schedule from my iPhone and calendars
• Done one hour of some kind of exercise every day - including physio, balance; upper body exercises and Pilates. 
• Practiced walking properly - very, very slowly
• Tried to drive - and stopped - ouch! even the thought of an emergency stop hurts
• Changed my thinking as I go down our stairs from re-living the ping to imaging I'm fixed and heading out for a nice long run
• Bought a mini bicycle machine to get those quads working until I can drive to the gym/pool and some new Pilates and workout DVDs 
• Got (and used!) a foam roller and compression tights
• Begun to think whether I want to risk running the Barcelona Marathon even if I am fit or wait until the autumn

Acting positive, even when I didn't really feel like it, really helped. I've gradually upped my risk taking, pushed the calf a bit, but not too much. I'm more in control and recovery is becoming an active thing, not just sitting on my bum (although I am doing a lot of that!).  


I'm surprised how tired I feel. Sometimes I focus on the loss of my Barcelona dream, of my fitness and those good running days stolen from me. Sometimes I'm sad; lost in the rough or abandoned in the sandpit as my running chums do a hole in one and are back in the Twitter clubhouse comparing notes. But that's neither use nor ornament as we say in Yorkshire and of course fine words butter no parsnips!


Recovery, just like running and any other challenge we set ourselves, is about mental strength, discipline and persistence. When I was dieting, I dealt with setbacks (eating the entire tub of ice cream; a nice bottle of Rioja) by just getting back onto the diet and not looking back. Usually I recovered my confidence, focus and drive to lose weight pretty quickly and easily. I need to do the same now for my running, but I don't have quite the control of the biological side of things!


The challenges of recovery are different for every one of us.  I'm a wimp. I need courage to take risks that might well make my injury a bit worse.  Other folk need the discipline not to run with an injury. I need to stop analysing how it all happened and focus on the future. Others need to spend longer learning from what went wrong before they look ahead. What is clear is that recovery is not easy for any of us, it tests us mentally and spiritually and so, like our damaged muscles, can make us stronger.


As I type, I have done my first set of very light calf raises and survived. That was really scary. I still can't walk very well or very far, but it will come.  Will I be able to make up over 2 months lost training and get fit to run a marathon in about 8 weeks when I can't even walk to the train station? Not sure yet, but whatever happens, all will sooner or later be fine.


This post is dedicated to everyone in recovery, whatever your challenge is. May you find the strength, courage, determination and wisdom to get through. And more than anything else, the hope and belief that you will get there.


Take care
Suex

More bad (eating) habits: naughty nibbling exposed!

As I clamber back onto the wagon after an indulgent Christmas I've noticed a few bad eating habits are still around and impeding my return to normal. They are aided and abetted by me being unable to run anything off and of course having what should be running time now available for other things.

Here, in all their shameful glory are my bad eating habits - well not all, just the ones causing problems at the moment:

I hoard food and I hate to throw it away. Christmas is a double whammy for this pair. I've already blogged about my Christmas hoarding instincts so it's no surprise that I have in the house lots of food; lots of rich food. To get rid of it I have to eat it or throw it out.  I was brought up not to waste food, never mind throw it out. This year, for the first time ever, I threw food in the bin (only if the birds or the cats wouldn't eat it!). This is a crime I know, I am ashamed as I type. And of course I haven't thrown it all out (discipline failure!) so there is some temptation at hand.  I am hoping that this experience has been so traumatic that next year I am sensible and don't overbuy, that will remove temptation and set a boundary for the return to normal. 

Family foods are good foods.  As a child I learnt about eating just like everyone else, in the family home and at school. There wasn't much on TV, Fanny Craddock didn't really impact on family cooking and cookbooks were rare. No Biggest Loser for us! Normal eating in the 1960s and 70s was a big roast plus pudding on a Sunday; fish and chips after swimming on Saturday or on the way home after a night out.   Mince and veg almost every night  (though of course veg were soaked overnight and boiled and boiled). Porridge for breakfast. School dinners, meals at other folks' houses and what we concocted in cookery lessons were all the same sort of thing (except the Pineapple Upside Down Cake circa 1969 only found in cookery rooms thank goodness!).  These foods are foods that Mum recognises, that the family ate together, they are comforting in a very deep way.

Food is a reward for hard work. We didn't have many biscuits or chocolates as kids but tea and toast was a treat and a reward to be had at almost anytime of the day or night for almost any reason you can think of.  Bacon and toast was a very special reward, usually for studying hard. I knew I was in favour and a very good girl when I got tea and a toasted bacon sarnie delivered to my desk.  Nowadays, I self-administer the treats. Health and Safety ban toasters at work so I am reduced to chocolate biscuits, but the principle remains in tact.

Diets are bad.  Like many women of their generation, my Mum was always on some weird diet or another - grapefruits, eggs, lemon juice (remember PLJ!). I never really understood why, she always looked slim and beautiful to me. These diets made life tense and uncomfortable.  Despite the diets, Mum also used to nibble in secret.  She'd have a tiny plate at dinner but fill up in the kitchen. We'd sit with big plate-fulls whilst Mum apparently ate like a bird and dieted. This left me feeling greedy and confused about food and portions. How could she possibly survive on such a small amount of food? Was this how women ate? Dad didn't seem to have any problems with eating and he could eat loads. I knew who I wanted to be like!

By the time I left home I had learnt a lot about what 'normal people' - people like my family - ate and about how food worked.  Over the years, I just applied and adapted what I'd learnt. Not surprisingly, I put on weight. I didn't diet and had no workable notion of weight control, so I exercised to control my weight when I got too fed up. The rest as you know is history.

Over the years I did change as I learnt new things and met new people, but I never really changed my basic beliefs about food.  My 'normal' expanded to include broccoli, garlic, butternut squash and aubergines. Out went lard, batter, three course lunches and the top of the milk.  When I started on my weight loss diet, very late in life, things changed.  I had to do a serious shed load of re-learning about healthy food, healthy portions and all the rest of it. It took me a year to begin to make those changes.

The emotional stuff though is harder.  I struggle still with my hatred of diets and I have to crack this.  I know (in theory) that I only need to eat fewer calories than I use for a few weeks, I don't even have it call it a diet! I'm going to have to re programme myself and @nuuutymel and my friend Helen have both suggested I take a look at NLP which I'm going to do (no I really am this time!). 

Similarly, the nibbling. As I type I realise that I don't nibble when watching TV, I nibble when I am working. It's partly that I get up, stretch the legs, stretch the mind, make a cuppa.... and yes, give myself a little foodie pat on  the back for working hard.  

A little while ago a friend told me about a conversation she had with her daughter who was being bullied at school for being 'fat'. At 9 years old, Fiona is not fat, but she is a bit heavier than her peers. My pal Sarah was worried, how to take Fiona's predicament seriously whilst avoiding any suggestion that weight loss was the answer.  Sarah handled it beautifully. They had  a long chat about how Fiona felt and decided that they would both read about healthy eating and exercise. As a result, they both learnt a lot; they had quality time together and now they are both training for Race for Life next year. Fiona is happy and more confident and their relationship is even stronger than it was. Fiona has a fantastic base for healthy living in adulthood.

Children are programmed to learn and they won't just learn what you want them to learn, there are always hidden messages to be decoded. What child ever fell for the 'do as I say not as I do' line!  Nowadays children have many more influences on them and more sources of information - for good and ill. For them it will be about keeping in good shape using self confidence, self belief and self esteem, much the same as for my generation I suppose!

As 2012 gets underway, I'm still not sure what my running goals will be this year, but I do now have some eating habits to sort out.   My two big challenges are getting over my diet phobia and my thing about rewarding myself for working with toast. I'll deal with Christmas hoarding in due course - remind me!

I hope wherever you are you enjoyed the festive season, survived the weather and are back on track for reaching your goals and aspirations for 2012. I hope to be out and running again soon. I will have my foot up for another 2 weeks, recovery is slow, but I will get there. Toes crossed!

Take care

Suex

New Year, New Running Me!

Hello there! Well it's 2012. I hope you had a great New Year and are are raring to go!

When I sat down to blog, I was thinking I was starting the year on the wrong foot - correction - on no feet. I am still 'in recovery' with my foot up a lot of the time.  But, thanks to various Tweeps and others, I am working on my running, preparing for a marathon - I'm having a running makeover. I'm going to use this time to make myself a better runner.  I'm beginning to see opportunities and possibilities rather than a massive gaping running shaped hole in my life.

I needed hope and I got it via great advice and support from @GlasgowOsteo. Daniel helped me get my head round what might lie ahead, and raised my spirits by reminding me that I'd get a personal best however slowly I ran! Thank you Daniel you gave me great advice and that chink of light I needed to see a way through and to start looking ahead.

Then a visit to my lovely local physio - PhysioPlus in North Berwick.  They got me back to running before my half marathon and nipped what could have been a nasty long term Achilles problem in the bud. I knew if I had a chance, they would help me get there.

After the usual prodding and questions, the calf tear is confirmed, but the good news is that it's already started healing and I did the right thing with the RICE - thank you Google!  The site I used was www.sportsinjuryclinic.net. I got some treatment and exercises to keep my ankles from sticking and to keep my proprio-receptors in good working order. I can't do much of anything just now, but I can swim - hooray! Then in a week or so I may be able to do some cycling and then some walking and then.......

It feels good to have a diagnosis and something active to do to aid the healing process, even if it's just to limit the damage that inactivity is causing. It's the passivity of waiting and resting that drives me bonkers - I want to do things and make myself get better and I want to be better now!  I am not a patient person and the weather here is great for running.

I got some very useful advice from @Pyllon, a running hero of mine and a totally great guy. Paul recommended Chi Running as a way to help me get better at running.  As I looked at stuff on the web, it dawned on me that whilst I'm a big believer in running being about the whole body and being in balance, I've been making it up as I go along. I need to learn about running and I know that Chi running is definitely going to help me run better. That made me realise that this is another way I can use this time to run better, longer and stronger - I can learn - and I've time to read the book thanks to the calf strain. Thank you Paul!

So, I am now training with my feet up and a book and an i-pad in my hand! I've my Women's Running and Runners World mags next to me and Chi Running winging its way to me. I have universes full of tweep-wisdom at my finger tips. How can I fail!!

Just like running, recovery is better when you recover with others. Too many tweeps have injuries just now and I really wish I had a magic wand to make them better.  We keep each other going. @RunningJoeInJax and I have been chatting about our similar injuries and how we're getting on.  Joe runs in Florida and is a bit further on in his journey, but it really helps to share the pain and the joy of recovery and keep each other on track. Thank you Joe, I'm right behind you, we'll get there!  Thanks to the many many Tweeps who've been cheering me up and commiserating too.

I do believe that everything happens for a reason and I'm going to use this time off my feet to make me a better runner. Some of it I know already. I need to re define 'rest' more robustly after long runs. I'm  going to try some post run compression and I've  had a very kind offer from @tryingtriathlon to share his compression tights with him, thanks Miles! There's things I can do to reduce the risks that build up round cold weather, long runs, the ageing process and being very busy. But I need to look more deeply at my running and I think the Chi Running will take me to that new level of runner hood.

I'm a little bit optimistic about Barcelona, even though my time would be much, much slower than I was originally hoping for. I'd settle for just getting round. But I'm not going to build up my hopes too much. As they say - blessed are those who expect nothing for they shall not be disappointed. There will be other marathons, but I've only got one right leg and I want to run until I drop!

As well as reviewing my running and my training, I can do other sports and this is a last opportunity to have a non running life before the end of March. I must make the most of it!  In particular, although Ali and I can't go for walks, we can swim together and go to the pictures. We've really got into board and card games this winter - anyone who crosses our threshold has to play at least 3 games of Uno and Stramash!  I can blog (don't worry, I don't want to bore you all too much!), and I've been catching up with Tweets which has brought me much laughter and support.

Plus, I've some great books to read - I think I've read 1.5 books this year - shameful! I never get enough sleep (and for some reason I am really tired since the injury which is weird, endorphin withdrawal I assume).  So I can get some zzzs in. I have some unfinished cross stitches somewhere too.  So I've got plenty to do until I can get back to training - a nice mix of running/marathon preparation and making time for other things.

There's a Shakespeare quote that often springs to mind: I wasted time, and now doth time waste me (Richard II).  I might not be able to hold back time, but I am determined not to waste this time with 'what ifs' and regret and focussing on the one thing I can't do. Life's too short and none of us can afford to waste a moment.

So here's to a fantastic 2012! I hope it brings happiness, health and joy, and you are blessed with family, friends and whatever you need to get you through.

Take care

Suex

Just call me Mrs Job.

Well, I give up.  Just call me Mrs Job - that's Mrs 'limping not running' Job. Mrs 'sitting on her bum with an ice pack on her elevated leg' Job.

I'm not bitter, oh no. I am furious and resigned and tearful at the same time as trying to be patient and grown up about it all - and failing.

According to my googling I have a grade 2 calf strain which requires RICE for about a week and then a few weeks before even starting to run, but I will get it confirmed by the physio tomorrow.

How did this happen, you ask......

'Twas Christmas Eve at the Northrops. The tinsel sparkled, fairy lights twinkled, reflected in the polished tables and floors. The clothes hung freshly washed and ironed in the cupboards and the smell of mulled wine floated through the house. I had just changed into my running gear for a short easy run when the phone went. As I skipped down stairs to answer it, something in my calf went ping. That horrid ping that you know is something really, really not good. Like that crunch you get when the car collides with metal. For a split second you hope it's not really happened, you try it again. It still hurts and you know it's not your imagination. You have an injury.

The rest is tediously predictable but essential. Off with the running gear and on with the ice pack, in with the ibuprofen and up with the elevated leg. Apart from limping round the kitchen, that's been me more or less for the past few days - sitting and waiting to get better.

I know that there's nothing I can do if I want to get fit enough to even think about a marathon, but I am getting ready. I am prepared to postpone my marathon if I have to. A weekend in Barcelona is not a hardship and everything happens for a reason. I'm also ready to lower my goals and go back to just focussing on getting round in one piece, if I'm lucky enough to run at all. In a way, it's easier because I have no choice - I can't run.  It's pretty clear that anything more than a hobble makes it worse, I am not being a wimp and to run would be plain stupid.

The post mortem is postponed til I can talk to the physio, but of course I am trying to understand why this happened. Of all the bits of me I worried about, I've never even had a twinge in my calf. I'd been listening to my body after @nuuutymel and @santababy reminded me that it's not just about Garmins and numbers, so I was paying attention and not working against myself.  I stretch religiously and do calf raises regularly and work on core strength most days. I even 'rest'.  And to think I worried about my toenails falling off!

Did I push too hard too soon? I had just done a slow 14 miles the day before, but I added a few hills, and there was a headwind and mud - was it too much? I'd done 13.5m the week before and had gone slowly so surely that was within the rules and I felt fine when I finished. Did I over do it? Did I do too many long runs on the trot? Is it because I couldn't slow down enough? Am I just unlucky or weak or stupid or just not up to running a marathon? Was I too confident or arrogant? Is it the revenge of the mouse! I'll have to wait and see.

I can feel already the doubt setting in and the negativity and that's a bigger risk than the injury itself. I know from my Twitter chums that coping with injury is hard and can be immensely testing and frustrating. If I can be a fraction as dignified and patient as @DunsRunner I'll get through it. If I can have the courage and honesty of @Rhinomittens I can cope with what might lie ahead. Already I've been getting lots of tweety help and support to get me through. Massive thank yous to @RunningJoelnJax,  @Canteenrun, @MsClareSmith @Pyllon and @DiminutiveRunr for advice, sympathy and cheering me on.  Thanks guys, I just hope I never ever have to return the favour!

I know it will be okay. I have seen many tweeps who have gone through injury and out the other side victorious. I know this too will pass and I will be fine. This is not serious in any meaningful sense of the word. BUT.......

So dear reader, we await the next chapter. Is this the end of my dream of running my first marathon in 2012 or just a hiccup along the way?  I don't know yet ("wipes a tear from the keyboard and smiles bravely through the tears").  Whatever happens I will achieve something in 2012, I just need to wait a little while to work out what I'm aiming at and when.

In the meantime, I am blessed with the company of great friends and family and festive cheer.  Fliss and Terry last night.  Sue and Ed today and the family arrive en masse to see us and Mum tomorrow. On the downside, I have put on a few pounds and developed a serious Stramash habit. Oh well, at least I still win at Uno!

This is the last blog of 2011. Thank you to everyone who's commented, encouraged, advised, commiserated, amused and just been you! I really appreciate every tweet and comment.

Wherever you are, whatever you're up to, may you stay fit and healthy and happy and loved.

Have a great New Year when it comes!

Take care

Suex

Of Mice and Mums - a week in Marigolds

I think I might well give up trying to plan anything.  I had this week all sorted out, a week off work to help Mum settle in after her stay in hospital, get us all ready for Christmas and enjoy a run or two. A whole week. You'd think that would do it wouldn't you? Well, it didn't quite work out like that. Yes, expect the unexpected number 3 million two hundred and fifty thousand and one.

As I type this blog, I hope the worst is over and things are back on track for Christmas - but my fingers are still crossed! My once soft hands are calloused and dried out by days of washing and scrubbing.  I am whacked, but every bit of this house has been scrubbed within an inch of its life.

It all started with the pre Christmas urge some of us have to tidy up (i.e. blitz) the house. Christmas is such an evocative time, and each one brings back the ghosts of Christmas past. The ghost of 'let's stock up the fridge in case it snows'; the ghost of 'who forgot to set the oven timer'.  And the ghost that sets you on your knees with everything from the kitchen cupboards on the floor and a j cloth in your hand tidying up for Santa. Yes, my Mum told me that story. I think it's linked to the winter solstice and some cleansing ritual or another.

Anyway, I donned the Marigolds, filled the bucket and started off and the first little treat happened. When I emptied out the porridge and pasta cupboard I found ....  mouse poo. Yuk! Not much, and most of the food is in plastic containers, they'd only got at Ali's (unopened) rice crackers and a low fat 'health' bar (the latter probably for bedding!). But even one turd is enough.  My first reaction was to have a little chat with the two fur beings that are allegedly cats. How can you have two cats and a mouse move in? Age is no excuse I told them as they lay on their cushions staring at the fire. I was pointedly ignored, they reckon their hunting days are over and I guess they are well over retirement age, even in these hard pressed days.

So out goes every bit of food that a mouse might possibly even have looked at, in came the mouse traps and on went the boiling water and the marigolds. Luckily it was a very limited mouse visitation. I like mice and we live near lots of fields.  I can't blame them for wanting to keep warm and get a nibble or two.  I just don't want them nibbling our food!

Once the kitchen has been cleaned to within an inch of its life, I begin to relax.  It's beginning to feel like Christmas and I start to clean the rest of the house, planning my nice long run. My legs have got really twitchy, but I just couldn't run until I got everything cleaned up. Housework is quite good cross training and great upper body work - isn't it??

Next thing, Mum gets out of hospital, so time to get her ready for Christmas. I pick her up, stock her fridge up and get her settled in. All is looking good and back on track, I begin to eye up my running shoes and think about a route.  I bring Mum round for a cuppa and a bit of company - a rare treat for us both. She's happily watching Catherine Cookson when she gets a sore tummy. The wee scone is safely back in the Edington whilst they get her better.

Yesterday morning dawned overcast but I headed off to get a run in before visiting time. I really do have to run when I can and I made the most of it and had a good long one - 14 miles, my longest run yet.  The sun came out as I ran towards Tantallon Castle and on to the beach. I only need a tempo and a short run this week to keep on top of things. That feels manageable.

I think we're more or less shopped out now, just pressies to wrap, family to gather and the big day to prepare for.

I hope that wherever you are and whatever you have planned, all goes well for you and your loved ones.  If you get a run, savour it and treasure it, as the saying goes, you never know the moment.

Take care

Suex

Taking it easy: slowing down to speed up

I am one of these people who charges about like the proverbial blue ar**ed fly. I do everything far too fast, including running.  I run as fast as I can for as long as I can, or until I can't run any more.   I just don't do slow, and I don't do easy, so a slow easy run wasn't top of my training priorities. That's got to change and last week was part of that lesson. I have to learn to take it easy if I'm going to do this marathon.

My first easy run was on a cold morning, when I decided to slip in an extra run to see how my body coped with 3 runs close together. I went at my jog pace, put on some easy listening and set off. It felt good to be out with no pressure and no hassle, just to enjoy the run. My main focus was to make sure I didn't injure myself or scupper my evening run. It worked.  I had a lovely relaxed run and was up and running that evening, legs fresh and springy.

I forgot about easy runs after that as I focussed on the core long, tempo and sprint/hilly ones. Once again, I was dashing about, making the most of time and training hard. But last Saturday I set off on a long slow run as part of my marathon training. Except, I did it again; I got the pace wrong, I was still too fast.

But the penny had begun to drop. As all the guides say, a marathon is just a really long run, so whatever speed you go, you have to run for 26.2 miles. A slow easy run means your body works within its comfort zone in terms of speed, so you only push on one element - distance.  Now when one reaches the middle years, wear and tear is an issue, so a slow easy is gentle on the limbs, gentle on the joints, gentle on the body and gentle on the mind.  A welcome relief in the frenzied push towards getting that marathon done and everything else.

I have found it really hard to switch off the speed bit of running, partly because it's just my way and I have got into a pace rut. But going fast is also about vanity and ego. In the gym, on the road, on the beach, I hate the thought that people see me running slowly and think I'm not very good. I am aware of every car driver, walker; dog and gym rat and I know that they are all, every one of them, judging my speed - and finding me lacking. I am embarrassed to run slowly.

Egotistical and narcissistic I know. But if I'm going to run a marathon, I have to get over this and run longer, farther and slower and not care what other folk think.  They are, of course, not in the least bit interested, and are not going to be there when I pass the finishing line and complete my first marathon.

I've had to give myself yet another talking to and change how I think.  I have put on a hew head, probably like actors do. In my head I am a serious runner, doing serious training that is essential to me achieving my goal - my marathon. This is my race, my training, my body and mind. I have to get through 26.2 miles more or less alone. It doesn't matter a jot what others think - except of course Ali, my family and friends and they all think I'm bonkers anyway!

So far so good, but I only managed a very small slow run at the gym this week.  No long run this week due to work and social pre Christmas madness (and a slight surfeit of red wine).

This week's stats - are a bit rubbish as a result.  Only 17.5 miles; 4 runs - one intervals, 2 tempos and 1 mini slow.  However, my 9 mile beach run was 4 miles into a strong headwind on soft sand, so I'm not too fussed.  That beach is very very useful when it's icy!

Here's the view today from the beach, one final hill at the end and then back for soup! What a beautiful day to run!

With the holidays coming up, Mum coming out of hospital and Christmas to prepare for, can I up my mileage to 30 miles and get my long run over 15 miles by the New Year??? Watch this space!

Whatever you're up to, I hope you're having a good week and all is well with your world.

Take care

Sue

Preparing to Succeed: Week 3: Speed Freak

Week 3 done and I've had a big learning point and a shock revelation. This week has been about speed; I am a speed freak.

First the learning point: you run better times if you keep a consistent pace. You wouldn't think that was critical, but the stats show it. I always, but always, start quick and end slow (and knackered!). I have negative splits, they need attention. 

I tried running more slowly and I was amazed. I felt much better and I could run longer. At the end of my long run, I felt I could do another mile or so, usually I just collapse at the front door. What a revelation! I still am running too fast, I need to run slower and longer, but I can see where it fits in my preparation. 

Now for the shock bit. This has made me think about pacing, what 'steady' and 'tempo' mean for me. Then I twigged (or twug??) - I have to nail my colours to the mast and set a target finish time. I now have to admit to myself and you that I want to do more than just finish. There, I said it!  Of course I want to finish, that's the point and no mean achievement. But I have to commit to a time. It's scary. I need to be brave and bold.

I'm afraid I'm going to be a bit coy now and not reveal the magic number; partly because I haven't decided, but if I'm honest, because I don't want to fail.  But if I don't set myself a challenging target, how do I know what I can truly achieve? I have to go for it. 

Not trying hard enough is a pretty good strategy. If you do well, you're a star; if you fail, well you didn't really give it your best.  But I could not hold my head up in front of my twitter chums if I didn't give this run my best shot. Look at the athletes I follow on Twitter and you'll see how shameful it would be not to try as hard as I can. 

So, dear reader, I am going to set myself a goal, one that I might well fail to make.  A goal that will stretch me in training and preparation and on the day. I have to do this or I will have failed at the first hurdle.  But I hope you don't mind if I keep it to myself. It feels a bit too brave to tell you what I aspire to. You'll just have to trust me, at least for now.....

Here's the stats for this week:

• Monday tempo 3.1miles. 29.56mins
• Tuesday - 45 mins of spin
• Wednesday - Hill running and sprint finish 2.92 miles 30 mins
• Thursday - Treadmill steady 10k plus sprint finish 6.2 miles, 58.00 mns
• Saturday - long steady 13.2 miles; 2hr 14 mins 58 secs.
• Sunday - active rest 8.5 mile walk

So, 25.4 miles run, 4.2 hours running, about the same as the week before but with a spin class and active rest day. Feeling good. 

With Christmas coming and Mum (I hope) coming out of hospital soon, my goal next week is to run as much as I can. My main run next week needs to be a very long and slow run, to see just how far can I go - I'm quite excited about it!

Thank you to everyone who's sent me comments, advice and support, I really appreciate it - thank you!

Take care

Sue